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It's just about that time and my fingers are shaking from the anticipation... and the delirium tremens. The Seahawks and their alleged 12th Man have opened up Qwest field to the visiting Redskins and the kickoff of the 2008 NFLplayoffs are just moments away. I won't actually "live blog" the action but I will provide updates, highlights, and reactions in this space throughout the first half of action. If I haven't become a physical threat to myself by that point I plan to start all over for the second half. Assuming all goes well I'll even be around for the late games. So get comfortable and join me for the fun, after the jump...
-Uh oh, Peter King has been spending time with the Redskins. I'm going to have to switch from light beer to dark kerosene. This is doubly depressing.
-Jamie Moyer is leading the cheers in Seattle. Seattle bloooooooooows.
-The Skins win the kickoff, which will inexplicably piss off my father.
-And we're off, the Skins have the ball and the introductions are out of the way.
-The Seahawks hold the Skins to a three-and-out on the game's first possession. That was uninspiring.
-Two passes and two first downs put Seattle in business and me in a shitty shitty mood. Things will be thrown. I'm looking at you Mr. Brita Filter!
-After an Alexander run and a Hasselbeck throwaway brings up the first big third down play of the day. Shawn Springs fell down but the coverage was tight enough, it's punt time!
-Clinton Portis just got stuffed on 3rd and 1 and I just realized that I have salsa, but no chips. What a shitty day this is turning into.
-A bad penalty on a punt made me frowny, then a knockout hit on a side judge made me smiley. I never claimed to be a good person.
-The Hass has clearly been jackin' it at a tremendous rate in the past week (it's a nervous condition!) because his wrist is awful sore.
-SHAUN ALEXANDER FUMBLES! SMOOT RECOVERS!
-Alexander was down. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
-Just to reiterate, this is not a live blog.
-TOUCHDOWN SEATTLE by some guy named Leonard
Weaver. 7-0. This is not going quite as well as I could have hoped.
-Alright Washington, time to regroup!
-I'm not saying Todd Collins is perfect, but if he were Jewish he'd be perfect.
-Maybe Parcells will hire the offensive coordinator from the Pepsi commercial to coach the Dolphins. He seems to fit the role about right.
-Santana Moss couldn't haul in a perfect third down pass from Collins. Nate Burleson isn't used to getting this much work.
-Marcus Washington stuffed Maurice Morris in the backfield...teehee
-Punters are pussies, even the ones who take steroids.
-THAT'S NOT A FUMBLE!
-Holy shit, a minor break in the Redskins favor. Add in a first down pass and we're back in business.
-Damn, Santana had a sure touchdown but Collins got crushed on the release. I'm tense.
-WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS THEN? Oh, a delay. I'll take that.
-Shawn Springs is falling down a bit too often for my liking.
-Long field goal is GOOD yet my excitement level remains stagnant. Thank you Bass Ale. Seattle leads 10-0. Oh yeah, the second quarter started a while ago, forgot to mention that.
Belated Second Quarter!
-I'm nearly positive that I can hear Seattle's famed crowd noise on a loop.
-First down Portis. Get up in that ass, Janky Spanky!
-Seattle's defense: Good. Make a note of this.
-Now Washington's defense is going to have to make something happen...and a pass interference call on DJ Hackett is a nice start. As a bonus, The Hass appears to have bruised his throwing hand.
-Washington's pass rush...EXISTS! The Hass goes down, as does the ball. C-Hox recover, Ufford twitters in delight. Regardless, it's Washington's ball after a crappy punt.
-For some fucking reason the Redskins insist on throwing the ball all over the field (without success) instead of running the ball down Seattle's motherfucking throat. I'm perplexed. Drop-Overthrow-Sack-Punt-Drink
-Shaun and The Hass can't get anything going right now against the Redskins defense. With 3:00 to play the Skins have time for one more attempt at a drive.
-Budweiser: Clear because it's pure. Pure like water. Reclaimed water.
-A terrible spot and the Skins are stopped short on fourth down. Seriously, Sellers may have not gotten it, but that spot was off by two feet.
-I'm not going to act like a Seattle fan and complain about the officials...but WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT YOU STRIPED PIECE OF SHIT?
-Collinsworth just said the word "Favrearian" so I'm just gonna call it a half.
Halftime: Seattle 10 - 0 Washington