Vince Lombardi's grandson, also named Vince Lombardi, is Seattle-area lawyer, and despite his granddaddy's legacy he's rooting against the Packers. Jim Zorn's children had no idea this was permitted and feel rather shortchanged. (Found through SPORTSbyBROOKS.) Here's a big, hearty cheddar cheese soy Americano for twoeightnine for his technicolorshop work to anchor this first half live blog. Join us after the jump. Refresh early and often, but not too much or you may go blind.
We're done with this one. Time to move on to the second half.
0:26 — Ryan Grant now has as many touchdowns as fumbles.
(For the record, my prediction was Packers 28, Seahawks 17 for the entire game. C'mon, improbable earthquake! Call the game on account of armageddon!)
1:08 — All right, if anyone thought the Brett Favre kid-fun-smile-gunslinger-improv shtick was overdone, shaddap. Favre should have fallen down three times and probably should have contracted hypothermia, but his shovel pass milliseconds from plunging to the ground was beyond impressive. I'm now gay for Brett Favre. I tried resisting, then he goes and does that. Curse you, old man, and your siren song.
4:35 — The FOX analyst is impressed by the running formation so much that he breaks out the Telestrator. "It makes a 'T'! Look!" I tried connecting the dots using the Gawker Media telestrator, but I got a V. Could be a bug. How come they always make a big deal when they see an old-school formation like the wishbone? I'd hate to see their pants tent if Morten Andersen ever walked onto the field wearing a leather helmet.
I don't care how hot a girl is. If she's that impressed by KFC boneless chicken wings, she's likely prone to stab herself in the eye with a straw on our first date. "MY CORNEA!" "Didn't see that coming."
"75 Degree Nuts" Brown kicks the 29-yard field goal through.
7:22 — If I don't feel like watching the game when Seattle has the ball, I can just cut and paste "something something ball, something something Atari Bigby on the play" and continue playing Nintendo DS, while none would be the wiser.
10:53 — An almost-blocked punt turns into a 15-yard roughing the punter penalty. That's kind of a tough call, because how do you get out of the way? Seattle's drive continues.
12:34 — Atari Bigby gets another strong hit, this time on Bobby Engram. When all you can do on snow is run fast and straight, nobody has the ability to get out of the way. We're gonna have some amazing hits in the middle of the field if this passing attack keeps up. So to avoid hard hits, the Seahawks run a designed "fumble and move forward a little" play, but it's 4th down.
13:22 — On 2nd and goal, Favre floats the ball to the corner, and Jennings makes the basket catch. Both the Lambeau Field PA and FOX telecast go with "Bang On The Drum All Day" for the outro music. For some reason, they never play "Piss Aaron."
14:54 — Well, now that it's a new quarter, I have all the confidence in the world that this time, the teams will be careful to tuck the ball away and have some nice, clean, fo... all right then. Atari Bigby just went Yar's Revenge on Marcus Pollard, jarring the ball loose, and Aaron Kampman moves the ball back inside the red zone.
0:00 — All right! Time to move to the other side of the field! Maybe now it won't ... nope. There's snow on this side too.
0:20 — Mike Carey calls a lineman for holding. I love his arm motion. It's got kind of a windup to it. Reminds me of a bitchslap. "Oh no you didn't just move your team back 10 yards."
1:06 — Grant is no longer Green Bay's next most promising janitor. He's won those cheesy fans back by tying the game. There shouldn't be this many points on a snowy field.
2:25 - Ryan Grant has two amazing runs in a row, and suddenly they're at the 1-yard line. This would not be the appropriate time for his third fumble.
During the Packers challenge, Tony Siragusa explains why it's slippery on the field. It's like Bill Nye for hopeless idiots. Next up: Tony Siragusa on why it's warm in Hawaii. Referee Mike Carey says they'll re-measure. And wow, they get the ball spotted further down the field, just enough to avoid 4th down.
4:46 — This is fantastic. Even the first down measurements are epic trials of coordination. I'm waiting for one of these guys to fall down.
5:04 — Favre's pass is dropped and flutters toward Jordan Babineaux's very being, but the ball might as well be a greased up Eskimo baby, because he can't hold onto it. Also, he falls over. Then a bookcase falls over, hitting another, and another. Thanks a lot, Jordan Babineaux. You ruined the entire library.
6:26 — Matt Hasselbeck's sacked. No he i— yes he — no, he throws i— wait... what the fuck just happened?
Green Bay I mean, Seattle of course has to punt either way. The field is turning wintergreen, most likely some creative product placement, but it's not going to work. No sir. Wow... I really want some gum all of a sudden.
7:08 — Fantastic outside move by Greg Jennings inside the 10-yard line to fall into the end zone. It's no longer a laugher. More like a docudrama.
Green Bay's moving the ball extremely well through the air. James Jones catches a pass for a huge gain.
9:54 — Ryan Grant gets the ball and moves to the right. He falls all the way to the ground, ball intact. Biggest confidence-boosting small yard gain ever.
Green Bay gets another kickoff, and the ball ends with a nice little forward progress scrum. Away from the action, two opposing special teams players continue to push and grab each other. There's such a fine line between special teams blocking and impromptu hugging.
10:59 — And the Seahawks drive yet again into the end zone, and Hasselbeck strikes Bobby Engram in the back of the end zone for a touchdown. He appears to be forceout, so McCarthy cannot challenge the call at all. DO NOT QUESTION.
Packers take the kickoff, and Ryan Grant begins moving the ball on the field. Well, for a while. He puts the ball on the ground again. So that's two fumbles by Ryan Grant in the first 69 seconds. Ick. Seattle takes over just barely on Green Bay's side of the 50.
14:40 — Shaun Alexander begins and ends the drive with a one-yard touchdown. A shocking first 20 seconds.
Ryan Grant takes a swing pass in the flat, falls down, but gets back up because it's a live ball. Then he drops the ball, and it's picked up by Seattle and taken down to the 1-yard line.
15:00 — Matt Hasselbeck was not sent out to make the coin toss. So the Packers are going to take the ball first. I have no idea what their stance is on scoring.
Don't worry, Josh Scobey. Take your sweet time getting off the field. It's not like we're trying to play a game or anything here.
Tony Siragusa must be busy, what with sideline reporting and doing the voice for Futurama's Bender.
As Brett Favre was announced into the field, the wall of cheerleaders on either side was not perfectly aligned, but slightly curved so as to create a giant smile.
I really should have prepared a breakdown of the game, but you know how that goes. Quick, ESPN featured comment! Help us out here!
"Brett is past his PHYSICAL prime. Mentally, he's at his peak, I think." —Nance1347
Ah, I'm diggin' what you're plantin'. Packers by 11 then.