Deadspin
So this is the kind of Super Bowl XLII analysis we can get behind: FanIQ asks which team is more likely to have a Eugene Robinson moment? It is the Super Bowl, and this is a legitimate question.
The question is broken down Dr. Jack-style, and takes in all possible variables.
Nearly every major party will take place in Scottsdale, many of them right near the Patriots' hotel. Nearby Barcelona will be hosting several major parties, including the NFL Players Association Party and the Sports Illustrated Party. Other major parties in Scottsdale include the Maxim Party, Terrell Owens' bash, the Bud Bowl, several block parties, the Leather & Laces Party (with Carmen Electra and Catherine Bell), the Saturday Night Spectacular (featuring John Travolta & REO Speedwagon!), the ESPN the Magazine Party, the Penthouse Party and the Deadspin Super Bowl Party. Okay, maybe the Deadspin Super Bowl Party isn't a major party, but it's the only one I have a chance in hell of attending, so it makes the cut. P. Diddy and Snoop Dogg are providing the entertainment at all of the above parties. The only exception is the performance by Doug Flutie and the Flutie Brothers Band at Mickey's Hangover. Diddy will really be scraping the bottom of the barrel if he has to sample the Flutie Brothers Band.
We have zero doubt that Wes Welker is going to be arrested doing something untoward at the Saturday Night Spectacular with John Travolta and REO Speedwagon. There's your winner.
Which Team is More Likely to Have Someone Get Into Trouble, Giants or Patriots? [FanIQ]
Comments
The Bud Bowl?
I'm going with Chris Hanson, the punter.
are there male hookers available? If so, then Elisha.
You guessed it - Frank Caliendo
Eugene Robinson
Shockey...but no one will even acknowledge it.
Uh, Kelly Washington was on the Bengals last season, so i guess i'll take him.
Though i'd still say there is a better chance of a current Bengal getting arrested in Arizona this week. Anyone seen Odell Thurman since his reinstatement?
Will Leitch.
I'm thinking Christina Agulara and Richard Seymore getting "dirty"
Richard Seymour, behind a Waffle House, with an 18 year old dishwasher named "Roy".
Brandon Meriweather is my pick.
Would this include taking a growler on a lady's back?
Why would you go anywhere besides the Travolta/REO party? That sounds epic.
@Kalamazoo_Kicker: Damn you!
I have Osi in the Conservatory with a barfbag.
Well, we know Plax won't be gettin' any, so cross him off.
Needs more AJ.
Is Barret Robbins still MIA?
Eli and a life size Caliendo doll.
the battleship lorenzen. I hear he's already got dinner plans at "the frying dutchman"
@theothermatt: are there male hookers available? If so, then Michael Strahan
Fixed.
The Balls and Scott Van Pelt square off in the desert, Hamilton/Burr style.
Bellechik, but only if Bonnie Bernstein is around.
Laurence Maroney with a tranny and a kool-aid pitcher.
@BruschisBrewsky: gap teeth in his mouth, so someone's dick's gots to fit.
Lawrences Tynes with an underage hooker, but it takes him three shots to deliver a proper facial.
@PQ Crash: Eddie Murphy approves.
So Junior Seau, a bottle of Viagra, and a brace of ASU sophomores walk into a cheap motel...
Jeremy Shockey with a 40 of Jim Beam and the girls from Prussian Blue.
Shoulda been you Cultural Oddsmaker....
/weeps
Tom Coughlin and anyplace that has chains and gags.
There's gonna be some construda up in the Super Bowl!
Matt Light and his giant blue ox finally take their relationship to the next level.
I guess Randy Moss beating the shit out of his girlfriend doesn't qualify as a distraction.
Bill Belicheck and a cactus dildo...giving or recieving, your choice.
I met Eugene Robinson one time when I worked at the Blockbuster in Urbana during undergrad. Nice thing about people having membership cards, cause I sure wouldn't have recognized him otherwise.
Chris Hanson will be hearing "I'm Chris Hanson from Dateline NBC and we are doing a story about NFL punters who try to meet girls online for sex"
@HazelMaesLandingStrip: I think we're going for unexpected distractions...
Stephen Gotkowski, masturbating furtively in the hotel lobby.
Donte Stallworth isn't responsible for what his alien friend does.
I predict Matt Cassel will somehow get caught up in a No Country For Old Men situation.
Jean Strahan giving Tiki Barber the business.
Andrea Kremer in Tom Brady's room with a shit-filled diaper that she didn't empty on her cross-country trip.
Matt Cassel slaughters two prostitutes, but no one notices because Tom Brady was seen wearing a breathe-right strip.
Carl Brutananadilewski will catch Belichick doing something tawdry with two menopausal housewives and Tom Chambers. Carl will be amused and aroused.
Pat Patriot gets mixed up in a furries convention.
@Rob Iracane: Photos of him in compromising positions with Steely McBeam at the mascot party leak to the internet; Perez Hilton breaks the story.
Hmm...
Muhsin Muhammad, LaDainian Tomlinson, and Kurt Warner are all up for the Bart Starr Award this year, which Robinson was slated to pick up the next morning when he was picked up for the, you know...
So I'll take a push on this.
@Raskolnikov: I'd get on that.
- Osi
I'm sure Jeremy Shockey will get into trouble, gimpy leg and all. But it's probably not going to reach a Robbins/Robinson level of distraction.
If we arent limited to players on the actual teams, Im thinking the favorite to be arrested is PacMan, but I aint exactly going out on a limb.
John Clayton firebombs a progeria clinic.
OH if ever there was a need for a Cultural Oddsmaker to discuss a topic it's this one.
If only The Balls would come out of retirement.
@Rob Iracane: Pat Patriot gets caught sneaking out of Steely McBeam's hotel room one morning. Unless something happens with Osi Umenyora, in which case I definitely don't want to see pictures.
@Rob Iracane: You mean Hostetler's moustache gets mixed up in a furries convention.
Wait, what year is this? Where am I? Who are you people?!