Deadspin
In possibly the biggest apology in soccer history (until the LA Galaxy gets around to explaining the whole Beckham thing), Diego Maradona has apparently admitted that it was his hand — not God's — that pushed home Argentina's game-turning goal against England in the 1986 World Cup. Of course, the fact that Maradona is moving to England has nothing whatever to do with it.
Diego Maradona last night issued his first ever apology for his infamous Hand of God goal — and insisted: "If I could apologise and go back and change history I would." The 47-year-old former Argentina ace caved in during an interview with The Sun — nearly 22 years after his handballed effort cheated England out of the 1986 World Cup.
Oh Diego; you delightful, chubby cocaine abuser. How can we stay mad at you?
Elsewhere in tearful remorse:
• Sorry we have nothing more important to do. — U.S. Congress
• Sorry for dragging this thing out beyond the point of endurance, even though we know there's no chance of signing him anyway. — New York Mets
• Sorry we didn't think of this. — Writers for HBO's The Wire
• Sorry this may be the last Super Bowl for awhile. — NFL Players' Union
• Very sorry for hiring assistant coaches without telling you, Lane. Also for the dementia. Applesauce! — Al Davis
• Sorry we made Britain look like a giant penis. — Early mapmakers
Comments
Sorry for jerking a loyal fanbase around yet again and ensuring a below .500 season in 2008.
(Not really, you stupid fucks -- you'll still sell out Fed Ex)
- Dan Snyder
Looks like he's had a little too much Ham of God.
Ok, so will England get to claim the WC from '86? No, then screw the fattie! Gazza still waits for vengence.
Wow, I'm glad he cleared that up. You really couldn't tell from the replays.
Bam!
Either Maradona's really let himself go, or Rich Garces is looking pretty trim.
Sorry you ran into my shoulder with your throat. Didn't mean to make you cry. Welcome to the Big Ten. - Joe Krabbenhoft
Sorry I'm not letting you leave early today even though I mentioned I might earlier this week.
-DWS' boss
Not to burst the bubble of this "breaking news story," but Maradona admitted to the "Hand of God" several years back in his autobiography. Published first in spanish in 2000, an English translation was published in the UK back in 2004, and finally, a North American edition was published here last year. Old news, folks. Nothing to see here. Please disperse.
Sorry I didn't go with you, Jack. ---Hurley
@stealofthedraft: Shit, you could tell in real time he used his hand. Bleeping refs. Pray tell, what does Hirshey make of this?
SORRY IM COMING BACK BABY
-DICKIE V
Looks like Bartolo has achieved his playing weight a little early this year.
Sorry we were only able to provide Diego with 5 lbs of blow as payment for the interview. Now we have to figure out how to report this expenditure on our TPS reports
--The Sun
@Turkeyleg: Quite frankly, there is a lot to see. A whole helluva a lot...of Maradona.
Sorry I look like your skinnier twin, Diego.
-Horatio Sanz
Lionel Messi cries as he gets a look into his future.
Sorry that I went with Locke - Hurley
Sorry, Pittsburgh...I actually fucking hate you much than I hate Ned Yost
--Johnny Estrada
Wouldn't it be easier to move England to Maradona?
Forget the "hand of God." The real mystery is how Maradona managed to become a coke addict and gain 100 pounds.
Sorry for exploding like that - Chris Berman and/or Mt. Vesuvius
"Sorry we signed Pedro Feliz."
"Sorry we didn't trade for Johan Santana."
-- Phillies front office
"If I could apologise and go back and change history I would."
The writer left out the continuation of the quote where Diego went on to say "but I ate the space-time continuum."
Sorry for raiding your fridge and taking the last coke.
--Diego Maradona
Da Plane, Da Plane!
@THEGINOCIMOLICONSPIRACY: a "more" in there may have been useful.
Sorry I suck RealMadrid and Robinho's cock every time I telecast one of their games.
- Ray Hudson
Sorry for trading Pau Gasol for Kwame Brown and a case of Busch Light.
/Chris Wallace.
Sorry for winning our fight.
- The Law
Dude's just Dead Sexy though.
"Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky." - Lane Meyer
WOW! Cocaine really is a helluva drug.
Sorry. I mean to say I eat ball. My English not so good.
-Diego Maradona
@throwbot: Ah, the mystery of coke bloat
@throwbot: Isn't the fact that he has now gained 100 pounds evidence that he is not doing blow anymore. I've never met a really fat cokehead.
@Tuffy: +1. Especially now that we know it used to look like a dildo.
Sorry we're not going to continue the competitive super bowl thing that's been going on the last few years.
-Giants
I'm not sure what "whole Beckham thing" LA has to apologize for.
Sorry I passed on the better deals the Yanks and the Red Sox offered in exchange for the Mets' chump change.
- Bill Smith
Sorry I don't do any actual work after lunchtime on Fridays.
@The Fan's Attic: I actually have met Artie Lang. He would have a straw in one hand and a cheeseburger in the other.
Sorry, but we are going to need to split this bill.
-The 15 guys at Zipps
Sorry for being smug, arrogant bastards
/Pats fans
Sorry I forgot to invite any girls to my Super Bowl party.
-Will
Sorry you're peeing out of your butt today, Fred.
-Budweiser.
Sorry I yoverchargin fer yoor pretty trim dere Tommy durfen burfen fierce!
- Pini Swissa
In other news today, the British Navy invaded Diego Maradona after mistaking the rotund ex-footballer for The Falkland Islands.
Sorry I broke AO's nose.
-Francis Bouillon to teammates
"Sorry I somehow won the fiddling contest despite the fact that you totally fucking rocked, Devil." -- Johnny
@Jefferson Short Bus: No you aren't. Don't lie.
@Dieter: "Sorry I took your soul anyway because I'm the fucking Devil" - Satan
Sorry I am going to make a "wardrobe malfunction" every time I see Tom Petty.
-Mr. Hilarious
Sorry for not writing Deadspin anymore.
-Will
"Sorry for loosing my cool. Wait a second... JEESUS! No I'm not. FUHCKIN' JEEESUS!"
/sips Diet Coke
Sorry I gave all you youngins such hope only to be dominated on Super Tuesday.
-Barack