Deadspin

No.

Oh, wait. I just read the article. Yes.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Our generation has learned a valuable lesson from Paul Reubens. Let us not forget it now.

These pretzels are making me thirsty

Since neither of them are 14-year-old Asian girls, I'll believe this story when I see evidence on screen...

This could be Woody Allen's first straight-to-Cinemax movie.

I want to like Woody Allen's movies, but there's always this nervous little fella in them.

/Flanders

I'm there opening day even if I've been set on fire.

I'd stand in line for that.

And by stand in line I mean grab a screener torrent and watch it in the comfort and privacy of my dark, private home.

No, but I'll do him the honor of downloading it and fast-forwarding to the good part.

I'll need to do a side-by-side scene comparison with Mulholland Drive. About three or four times should do the trick.

How does it happen? Does Penelope Cruz get a snakebite on her breast and Scarlett Johansson has to suck it out? Or do they escape prison chained together?

/head a splodes
/other head a splodes

You mean my whole phallusy is wrong?

I used to prefer his earlier, funnier movies, but this one intrigues me.

three cheers for Woody Allen.

Woody should've just titled it There Will Be Boobs.

Surefire Oscar contender.

Only if Winona Ryder appears as a Scarlett's former sorority sister and an awkward kiss ensues.....

Do movie theaters let you buy every seat? Because I may have to do that.

Ten years ago, that would read "The women later have a threesome with Woody Allen (below), who plays Cruz's husband".

Sounds like a renter, lest I get the Pee Wee Herman treatment.

NI-CE!

Hmm, and Ufford is MIA over at withleather... HMMMMM...

I know it sounds good, but in actuality, they just go into the orgasmatron together for twenty seconds.