What you missed while wondering why McNamee kept that empty Miller Lite can in his bloody gauze/syringe pic.

I'm glad to see the pussy from Saving Private Ryan is still playing a pussy.

Has Tracy McGrady even been healthy for more than 15 minutes at a time?

@MeSoHornsby: In order to mask the massive ammounts of testosterone, Clemens required something that contains plenty of estrogen, hence the Miller Lite.

What you missed while trying to erase the image of Agent Zero's burnt and raw scrotum and taint from your mind.

[blog.washingtonpost.com]

The horror!! The horror!!

@BarbarobicsInstructor: They call you +1 of the morning. PLUS ONE.

@UkraineNotWeak: Fuck. You.

That story made my penis scream. He actually produced an audible yelp

What you missed as you wonder how long it is before Gawker's IT department tells you:
"Make enemies: Next time you see a comment that's just plain stupid and makes you wish you could unsee it, click the "Ignore Commenter" icon next to it.".

Goddammit Rick, some of us don't need to know/read stuff like that.

When did Martin Lawrence sign with the Warriors?

@Yostal: ...but then I'll just end up talking to myself!

@Yostal:

You can do that over at Salon's Table Talk.

What you missed while really, really, really hoping there is no press conference involving Fassel today

@Hustler of Culture: Ladies and Gentlemen, the new coach of your Washington Redskins...

@Yostal: When you accidentally click the plus sign and then you unclick it, the message is "Commenter X is now your frenemy." Seriously. So, probably not that long.

@BarbarobicsInstructor: Why would you click a link that was introduced that way? You have to learn to master these impulses if you want to prevent the intarwebs from destroying your soul completely. Especially while reading Deadspin.

@Chief Wahoo: That crosses the line man! Some jokes just aren't funny....

//goes into fetal position in corner
//shits pants

What you missed while some seriously uncool shit went down on your block

[www.nbc4.com]

@ArkansasFred: So does this apartment come wit' dem titties or do I have to gets em myself?

@Hustler of Culture: I hear he's bringing Kerry Collins with him.

@UkraineNotWeak: Oh, Salon! How 2003 she is.

@UkraineNotWeak: Once, after a day of swimming in the Pacific near LA, all the skin on my scrotum peeled off like a snake shedding its skin. I was a little worried.

@EddieRebel: Good call. I knew I recognized him from somewhere. He kind of looks like Elliot from "E.T." all grown up.

what you missed while wondering why JJ Abrams chose to cast Luke Perry as the head-case.

Also, I didn't get my turn.

@UkraineNotWeak: The best part of that is the big picture of a beaming Hillary Clinton right next to that paragraph.

What you missed while reading Chipper Jones' anonymous blog comments.

@HIV 2 Elway: I do believe that California could have resolved her energy crisis by powering her electric grid with this nightmare fuel.

What you missed while buying your 11-year old daughter weed and beer for her birthday ?

[www.theindychannel.com]

@Yostal:

Your comment is brilliantly illuminating and life-changing. Will you be my friend?

@UkraineNotWeak:

Wow that story tops the one where one of my friends on a campout found out he had a tick implanted on the tip of his member. I never heard a guy scream and cry so much in my life...or see so many guys laughing at him.

@ArkansasFred:

Judging from the sketch, I think the cops should be questioning Martin Lawrence.

@shea_guevara:

Having read some of the comments on Dave O'Brien's blog at the AJC, Chipper's comments are some of the saner ones I've read.

@tater: A tick on the tip of your dick ain't no picnic.
/Been there

Will Curt Schilling's arm problems prevent him from ruling over the realms of Everquest?

Control-Alt-Nerd

@UkraineNotWeak: Seriously. Some of them make Fanhouse commenters look like Rhodes scholars. At least Chipper can form something that resembles a sentence.

@UkraineNotWeak: True, but he does still commit the Cardinal sin of using "U" in a message for non-ironic purposes.

[/angrily shoos kids off his virtual front lawn]

@shea_guevara:

My favorites are the ones who go on about the age in the Mets starting rotation while completely ignoring the fact that both Smoltz and Glavine are both over 40 and Hampton, who has missed two years is in his mid 30s but they can be counted on.

@UkraineNotWeak: 3/5 of the Mets' rotation is under 30. Although El Duque alone brings the median age up to about 57.

What you missed while patiently waiting for Will to post the Pedro Martinez cock fighting video currently available at TMZ.com

[www.tmz.com]

@UpstateUnderdog: Has anyone accounted for the whereabouts of Li'l Ronnie?

@shea_guevara: I was a little disapponted he didnt use his Dugout name. But very cool on his part. Especially when he jokingly called DOB a douchebag.

@Matt_T: I guess I'm getting more mellow as I grow older, but I no longer want to beat Chipper to death with a tire iron.

@shea_guevara:

You just rather bludgeon him with a blackjack.

What you missed while being named #4 in SI's Media Power Rankings...

'Roids, glorious 'roids
Andro, stanozolol
If there's still a void
Shove the cream in your piehole

@EddieRebel: Not even growing a beard(or whatever that thing on his face is) can make that guy look or act more macho.

Ben has someone on the boat. UNBELEIEVABLE!!! Best TV villian ever.

Ben can take a bunch of hits, or the losties punch like toddlers. he's been beat up for like 3 straight episodes and can still connive. the last person i saw get punched in the face couldn't even spit out coherent sentences through the tears.