What you missed while realizing you probably shouldn't have used the word "shellacking" in yesterday's NHL Closer.

What you missed while fantasizing about Henry Waxman tickling you with his moustache.

What you missed while somewhere "Joe Cool" nods in approval of Uno.

What you missed while...who am I kidding. I watched the entire Vandy-Kentucky game. And it made me HAPPY!

What you missed while realizing that Clemens' appearance on Capitol Hill means an ad nauseum amount of sanctimonious self righteous columns on the subject from Mike Lupica.

Susan B. Anthony fought so hard for the universal rights to petition women's college basketball outcomes.

@Dany Heatley Speedwagon:

What you missed while watching the Thomas Vanek Karma Train run over Ottawa.

"11 points at the half? Well I'm off to commit hara-kiri. This is Kige Ramsey for youtube sports".

I actually liked Kirk Cameron, until I found out that bible-thumping loser is the one that forced the producers to kick the hot babysitter, Julie (Playboy model), off the show.

/ misses "Boner" Stabone

I don't know what you mean, Rick. The writers' strike is over so we should expect a brand new episode of ALF any day now. I hear he finally eats Lucky.

The Fuck is an ALF?

@Rob Iracane:

I thought ALF was a reality series?

@7-8 Deville: Alien Life Form

Or a muppet. I have a hard time keeping them straight.

What you missed while playing matchmaker between Ron Mexico and the daughters of California Blue Cross/Blue Shield executives.

What you missed while swinging by church.

www.newstopic.net

What you missed while reading a blog written by a Notre Dame alum and laughing at his outrage over the ESPN/Jacobson/Fat Charlie controversy.

Lighten up and realize your alma mater is nothing special...no matter how hard you pretend.

@MerryLander: What's a muppet?

@Triple B: Little-known fact: Boner's dad was named Sylvester. That's right...Sylvester Stabone.

@Dany Heatley Speedwagon: *throws hat*

@Doyle McPoyle: I remember there was one episode where they showed a flashback to Mike and Boner meeting for the first time. Mike gave him the nickname. At that time, he was going by his given name, Dickie Stabone.

@MerryLander: Gordon Shumway has his own blog, though he doesn't update often.

@RedDear: Well its not quite a puppet and not quite a mop but oh man... I have no idea.

(Thanks for putting that one on the tee.)

What you missed while having your wife look at you like you were an alien abortion because you were screaming at the top of your lungs for someone on the North Carolina basketball team to be fouled, quickly...

Harrumph.