What you missed while trying to get the image of Roger Clemens' bleeding ass out of your mind...

What you missed while not believing anything Deadspin says...I mean you're one of my heroes...but I have a hard time believing you.

What you missed while preparing for the biggest presentation of your career.
Pretty pumped and looking sharp.

What you missed while discovering that the chicken wired stage/"Rawhide" singing bar scene in The Blues Brothers film was inspired by an incident that happened on Warren Zevon tour in 1978.

I don't understand why cbs sportsline is blocked at work, but twwl isn't.

Why the hell didn't Rocky swoop in and save him? Goddamn flying rodent!

What you also missed while being glad you're not married to Janine Driver.

"Without looking at Brian McNamee, Clemens told Congress, "I have strong disagreements with what this man says about me.""

Hideki Okajima must've taught him that delivery.

Kevin Hart denies that Kelvin Sampson recruited him.

One day Roger Clemens will laugh at all of his scoffers from the paradise of heaven. I know he's going there because some figurehead Congresswoman said so.

@7-8 Deville: +1 Well done.

@UkraineNotWeak: Was Elly Mondale there?

What you missed while being disgusted by the look on Ronaldo's face after he injured his knee, in what will be his final game

At least Pat Knight won a game...an upset even!

The moose out front shoulda told you not to jump.

A moose once bit my sister. Out by the lovlei lakes!

What you missed while realizing that the Lumbee Indian drunk dialing epidemic has spread from Oklahoma all the way to Indiana.

That Eric Gordon Karma sure is a bitch!

Kelvin Sampson would have called timeout with 4.5 seconds left, but he left his cell phone in the locker room.

The moose was just pissed he finished in second place behind the Berkowitzes.

Police tried to reason with the Moose saying that with the acquisition of Erik Bedard they would finally have an ace and the Mariners could finally be a contender. But this only further distraught the moose, who's last words as he sprung himself off the cliff were "BUT WE EMPTIED OUR ENTIRE FARM SYSTEM FOR HIM!!!"

Mooses look into your windows at night.
They look to the left.
They look to the right.

Mooses? Meeses? I want a Moose that lays golden eggs, daddy! I want it noooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

What you missed while wondering if Amos Pearson's moose farm is down one of its herd.

What you missed while realizing that Tiki Barber and Kevin Bacon are writers for the Colbert Report

Walt Disney pushed the moose.

@HIV 2 Elway: Good luck, but I don't think reading Deadspin counts as preparing...unless, of course, that presentation is on ass injections, and the athletes who love them.

What you missed while watching Jane Fonda say a bad word on the Today Show

[perezhilton.com]

@Tobias Funke: I hear Tiki writes great setups, but Bacon gets all the punchlines.

What you missed while Roger Goodell gently folded Bill Belichick's poop omelet.

"The moose didn't die in vain -- the meat was salvaged for charity."

Hello, Children's Miracle Network? Ummm, I'd like to make a donation...

@Doyle McPoyle:

Brady Quinn?

@Tuffy: Tuffy, you know darn well that's an urban legend, you're just another lemming, blindly following the herd over the...

Wait, they're not doing it right now? Throw them off the cliff!

@Doyle McPoyle: Thanks, with the amount of money we've saved I think I could whip my cock out midway through and my management would still be pumped.

@RandBall: Is that an omelet made out of poop or an omelet with poop filling? Because one of those would be disgusting.

After Gionta scored that OT goal against Ottawa, I painted a 'D' on my chest.

What you missed while wondering how much money you have to donate to the GOP to get half the ball washing Clemens got from the Republicans on Wednesday.

I had jury duty yesterday, so I missed most of the Congressional fun. But what little I saw was stomach-churningly awful.

@Wyshynski:

Too many 3-point games last night. Damn you, Bettman!

@Wyshynski: It's about time for him. I painted a D on my chest too. (Ok, 2 D's)

@shea_guevara: Which I don't get. I thought the whole point of the hearings were so that politicians could play "We're protecting the children" bukkake without actually having to address the war, the economy, etc.

Unless Clemens has something on the GOP, like how his phone commercial was actually an incident where the government's wiretapping program was caught on tape.

C'mon guys... Those recruits were in my Fav 5.

He snapped a couple of photos and called one of the charities that salvage road kill to tell them there was a moose available at Mile 113 .

They have charities to salvage roadkill? Gross.

@Zach Parise's Shorty: Chinese restaurants.

Still tastes good though.

"Nothing outside of us hurt our team," Hoosiers forward D.J. White said. "We were a family tonight."

There are no recruiting violators in Indiana. It is a myth. Fuggedaboudit.

@The Gizmo from Pismo: Of course! How did I not think of that! It must take several rodents to make "chicken with broccoli"

@ArmansCopyOfSwank: It's not that hard to figure out. Clemens is a major financial donor to the Republican Party. He lives in Houston and is friendly with the Bush family. He called in his chips, big time.

@Chief Wahoo: Even the folks here in Houston were appalled.

@HIV 2 Elway: I just wanted to wish you good luck. We're all counting on you.

@Rob Iracane: Holy crap ... +2. "The moose mingled ... scored."