Deadspin
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.
As if I didn't have enough reasons to vomit this weekend up at Dartmouth — what else are you going to do in the frozen tundra of Hanover other than drink yourself into a coma when you can't watch a satellite feed of the Arsenal-Birmingham game? Fortunately, I have a wooden leg for such matters and after seeing YouTube clips of Eduardo's fibia snap, apparently so does the Crozillian striker. Only his is made of balsa.
If you haven't watched the horror tackle, let me try to put it in some context for you. Anyone who is old enough to remember how LT turned Joe Theismann into a failed broadcaster will probably hurl at the sight of Birmingham's Martin Taylor going all Javier Bardem on Eduardo's left leg. Honestly, I haven't seen anything as ugly since Steven Seagal's "Above the Law" when he grabbed a guy's arm and snapped it backwards at the elbow. How nasty was the injury? It was so nasty that British TV refused to replay the incident and those people put any shit on the air, even the Carling Cup.
More on this in a moment. So Eduardo is now out indefinitely, and I fear that Arsenal may not have a leg to stand on when it comes to battling ManU for the Prem. On the bright side, if Eduardo's limb doesn't heal, I'm sure he could always marry Paul McCartney.
As if the leg snap wasn't sickening enough, Tottenham fans have been taunting me about their big win this weekend. That's right, they're now the proud owners of the 2008 Carling Cup. I'm not saying it isn't a prestigious title, but personally, I'd walk with more swagger if my Syracuse Orangemen had won the NIT. The preseason NIT. Still, a cup is a cup and if it makes Relegation Zone Mikey feel good about himself for a couple of hours, then God bless. That is, if your idea of feeling good about yourself is bitch-slapping a pint of Guinness onto your mate's lap because he refused to fellate Juande Ramos with you. Turns out that the Spurs celebrated in much the same way that RZM did. These guys went out to toast their victory and The Source Awards broke out.
Ledley King, finally back after an injury-ravaged season, was thrown out of a London nightclub when he got too drunk to stand up and tried to do a Kimbo Slice on the club's bouncers. Instead, he fought more like Posh Spice and was dragged away by teammates like Jermaine Jenas, who apparently had a few Carlings himself.
By the way, the undercard that night was Danielle Lloyd, former Miss England and girlfriend to anyone who makes at least $100k a week kicking a ball, vs. Joanne Beckham, whose brother makes even more than that bending a ball, which frankly was probably a better match than the Carling Cup. So maybe I picked the right weekend to be out of town, after all.
Comments
Honestly could've done without that.
/NASCAR threadjack
Not that anyone reads the soccer posts anyway, but Carl Edward (Ford) won California followed by Jeff Gordon and Johnson.
@Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0: Troll elsewhere, big guy.
That "tackle" was one of the worst I've ever seen at any level of the sport. I'm sure the FA will ban him for the straight red and probably a couple of more games.
BTW @ Big Ten you got it wrong, I'm not a Liverpool fan. I throughly loved the pairs that Rooney & He who shall not be named got vs. Newcastle.
Do I smell a treble ??
.
Not that anyone who follows NASCAR knows how to read anyway, but Carl Edward (Ford) won California followed by Jeff Gordon and Johnson.
/fixed.
@Tracy Ham and Eggs: NAS-CAR?
Ledley King is wearing a braided belt! Seriously, how did we all end up in a frat house circa 1996?
Also, ha ha drunk footballers.
When I saw this, I thanked my tibias for their hard work all these years. There may have been deep tissue massage.
No clips of Floyd v. Beckham? Not even head shots of the combatants? Hirshey, you're better than that. The tackle, if done with intent, one year suspension easy. NAstier than LT on Joey T, as neither was coked out of their minds.
.
And I just googled Juande Ramos and Danielle Lloyd to see who they were. Big difference.
Do Jenas and Lennon go to the same eyebrow barber?
@ghostsoftheSCupcountry: I don't think are going to be able to get him on the "intentional" angle. You have to write about it in your autobiography a la Keane-o for that.
NHL Mascot Bukake > Futbol Bukake
Yeah, but it was still suspension worthy.
And if it had been Arsenal winning the Carling Cup yesterday, Hershey would have been running down Fifth Avenue today with his pants around his ankles shouting "WHO ATE ALL THE PIES?!?!?!" over and over.
@ghostsoftheSCupcountry:
Sorry, I don't see the intent to injure, the opening three minutes were wild and on the edge of control from both sides, it's just sad it resulted in an horrific injury
@Tracy Ham and Eggs: um...you notice there isn't a NASCAR closer right? So yes, people do read the soccer one.
@Tickenest: Eh, Carling is ok, but I prefer Pfeiffer's.
Honestly, I haven't seen anything as ugly since Steven Seagal
Coulda just stopped the sentence right there.
@Lunatic Fringe:
No, that's Ronaldo's new cologne.
Oh, and Hirshey, you could have used Sopcast ya know. Just admit that you were too hunover to get up at 7:45AM.
Yido! I'm just glad they didn't have a Ronaldo-Nani esque sex party.
Bummer there weren't any pics of Younes Kaboul being pulled out of the bar angry and drunk, that shit would be intense.
@MattinglysSideburns:
Aaron Lennon thinks Vanilla Ice was ahead of his time.
Yakubu scored again today. He's looking more and more like the best January transfer.
@Doyle McPoyle: and you can take that to the bank.
@BigTenObsession:
Are you a marketing guy ?
"Treble" by Ronaldo does have a nice ring to it.
@MattinglysSideburns:
Summer transfer
/Poncey git
@Lunatic Fringe: How about "Dive" by Ronaldo?
@Lunatic Fringe:
I prefer "Sunt" by Ronaldo. Similar to "scent", but so very different (and appropriate!)
How are we supposed to build a comedy pyramid when Hirshey's post cut us off at the legs.
Oh well, I guess I'll just have to do what Eduardo can't, take it one step at a time.
@MickelsonsManBoobs:
or "Flop & Cry" by Drogba
@The Fan's Attic:
You're gonna make me hopping mad if you keep that up.
@The Fan's Attic: Well we can be sure that Eduardo will never walk alone
@Lunatic Fringe:
Rafa Benitez's "Rotation".
@MickelsonsManBoobs:
at least for six to nine months.
Hirshey's got some bluster for a man whose team is hitting their regularly scheduled mid-season collapse.
El Hadji Diouf's "Spit"
EPL was not watchable this weekend, shitty games ... the 4-4 draw between Parma and Torino was insane.
@The Fan's Attic: Anyone who claims there was intent to injure doesn't have a leg to stand on.
@LingeringBursitis:
I was referring to the pictures of the horrific leg injuries. It was one of those things where I told myself not to look at it--then I did. And I wish I didn't.
@Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0:
Hey, we gave people a warning.
@
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LingeringBursitis
at 03:51 PM on 02/25/08
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Triple B
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LingeringBursitis
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Babcocksure
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Lunatic Fringe
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BigTenObsession
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ithacabaron
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MickelsonsManBoobs
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LingeringBursitis
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The Fan’s Attic
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BigTenObsession
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Big
@The Fan's Attic: McCartney wouldn't go for Edu anyway... he's gonna need to see Doctor Robert after Saturday's Twist and Shout.
Here's a link to highlights of that game, enjoy.
+ Watch video
@Chuckie Hacks 2 and 0: Ok, you're pardoned. Sorry.
@BigTenObsession: Funny thing about the warning we have is that it only really works when you look at the UF front page... when you click on the link directly, it's all there to see. Heh.
@BigTenObsession: off topic - you should write for Purdue for DS / the Tourney. you got my vote. My plea (begging) is in for MSU
At least it looks like the MLS England side will be sent down where they belong after this season.
@TheJizzone:
I just saw that in the other thread - thanks for the support. I shall support you as well.
Rumor on the street: Big, big press conference in Philadelphia on Thursday involving MLS officials. Looks like you lost, St. Louis...
/Philadelphi-jacked
@Lunatic Fringe: If they do go down, It will be very telling to see which Yanks jump ship and stay in the Prem and which ones are deemed good enough only for the Coca-Cola.
@MickelsonsManBoobs: Um, almost all of them are good enough only for the Coca-Cola.
/unpopular "truth"
@Your GPA: As much as i would like to agree with your assessment of an Arsenal midseason collapse, I don't know if I can. Arsenal has lost only one game during the EPL season--in december to Boro--and is 8-0-3 since then in the League. Yeah, they dropped the FA and Carling Cup spectacularly but they are still doing well in EPL and CL play.
What I can agree with is a 2 month no-show of Cesc Fabregas. What happened to him?
@LingeringBursitis:
s'truth - Carlos Bocanegra makes me look like Micah Richards (minus the roasting)