Deadspin
The art of the tennis grunt is a delicate one. You want to get across the gutteral utterance, the growl, while still seeming, you know, kind of feminine. Think more of a howl than, say, a Howard Dean "yeagggghhhh!" But it's just part of the sport, you know? It makes tennis more fun. But not in Australia.
Yep, it looks like an Australian tennis club has banned grunting. And they're willing to kick out a nine-year-old to enforce it.
Lauryn Edwards was told at the weekend that she could no longer play her favourite sport after a complaint by an opposition player. The Mt Carmel Tennis Club, in Sunbury, told Lauryn's stunned parents, Duncan and Ruth, that the grunting had become too much.
Mr Edwards said the club had asked him for an assurance Lauryn would remain silent on the court. "They told me to guarantee she won't grunt or she can't play," he said. "What do they want me to do? Put Band-Aids over her mouth? They made her cry on the court when they told her."
You know what? We bet they would want Band-Aids over her mouth. Australians! What's with you guys today?
There's No Grunting Allowed In Australia [Lion In Oil]
Comments
"What do they want me to do? Put Band-Aids over her mouth?"
Yes.
/Travis Henry
Wow, pouty is very sexy.
Does this rule also extend to the broom closets and bathrooms around the club?
As punishment for grunting, Ms. Edwards was originally sentenced to a booting. But a compromise was reached where she will receive one kick from a normal-sized shoe.
You left out the part that they threatened the kid with Mick Dundee's knife and Wally's stories.
Some psycho's going to get all out of sorts and trace this back to Monica Seles.
(Too soon?)
Oh, and yes (to Maria.)
Ah, I know that face well. It's the same one most women make when they see my penis for the first time.
oh, its Rip-on-Australia day? I never updated my calendar.
And yet somehow, it's perfectly acceptable to play tennis there wearing blackface and a Nazi outfit.
Australian Day on DS >>>>> Barry Bonds Gay Porn Day on DS
I wish my company would ban grunting in the men's room.
Now how are you supposed to know if someone gets stabbed at midcourt if you don't allow noises?
I'd love to the chance to make Sharapova grunt.
But how are those grumpy old club members supposed to masturbate to a nine-year-old?
Grunting is only allowed in Thunderdome.
No, no, no, Maria I won't. No, I... don't make that .... aw I can't say no to you.
[digs soldering iron into forehead]
@Its The Beer Talking: I see you've played knifey-spoony before.
What, no wallaby rape?
It is the little girls fault for not being hot. If she were hot and grunting there wouldnt be a problem.
You can still pee in the shower at the tennis club, right?
Adam Levine is now going to have to deny that he ever said that just like Maria, the nine year old is a 'dead-frog' in bed.
What if I'm being raped by a wallaby?
Another instance where the picture accompanying the article is funnier than the article itself.
I asked Will how the hell he gets these pictures.
A better idea: outlaw Maria's excruciatingly long pre-serve routine. COME ON ALREADY!
@Camp Tiger Claw: Or a dongo?
@Signal to Noise: I'm sure that little girl felt stabbed in the back by the club.
/not too soon.
No love for the Aussies today... fucking kangaroos.
I apologize in advance, but when I saw this featured on Youtube, I immediately thought of some Deadspinners:
+ Watch video
It's the same stupid policy that got me fired from my job at the bookstore.
That, and I was stealing from the till.
The kangaroos don't grunt when you take their lucky testicles.
@Rob Iracane: @Camp Tiger Claw:
Can simultaneous menstruation cycles be far off?
Tha dingo raped Iracane's baby!
Maria Sharapova's grunt > Angela Gossow's death metal growl.
As long as they don't ban Maria from eating bananas.
@LosOsosdeChicago: "Wow, pouty is very sexy."
Until you have the sex. After that it just becomes annoying.
If it wasn't for this rule, someone might have found Michael Hutchence before it was too late.
thank you, Australia. Bindy Irwin will finally be shutting the fuck up.
/too late
@MidwestCoastBias:
Talk nerdy to me, baby.
If the ladies of tennis hold in their grunts, then their physical exertion is bound to come out the other end. Do we really want that?
@Weed Against Speed: its all pipes!
The opposing player who complained about the excess noises?
Steve Williams, the caddy for Tiger Woods, of course.
He says it breaks his concentration but methinks he should play against someone his own age.
In Communist Russia, ball grunts you!
Heavens, what would Bruce think? I'll have Bruce ask him.
@How do you spell retard?: +1 for knowing Arch Enemy
@Gourmet Spud: When Suss and I attend a Tigers game, it looks like a zamboni dropped a tranny in the parking lot.
And then ran her over.
Wow, that 9 year old girl in the picture looks much older than her age. What's in the water in Australia?
@HebrewHammer: Sodium chloride, mostly.
@Camp Tiger Claw: Acceptable. Animal rape contingency plans are priorities in Australia ever since the Sydney Opera House Incident of 1974.
In today's most popular story, everybody wants a peek at Will Ferrell's junk (except Jason Kidd).
@Tuffy: And Vegemite, for some reason.
Erin Andrews and Maria Sharapova on the same day!
*Zip*
@Signal to Noise: Angela Gossow gives me a big metal boner.
@Tuffy:
I always just assumed you were one guy with a split personality and admirable voice skills.
if it's not too much trouble i would like for the mt. carmel tennis club authorities to visit a certain female in the apartment complex next door. they don't need to make her stop entirely, but if she could sound less like a stuck pig that would be nice. also, if she wasn't allowed to start until after 9am on saturdays that would be great too. thanks.
@Gourmet Spud: If I could choose a voice, why would I choose this one?
@Chamomiles Davis:
Show me a part of the world where that isn't accepted, and I'll show you a part of the world where I wouldn't want to live.
@Its The Beer Talking: I believe it's a wingtip.
OK, how about I claim this is merely Victorians? No? Uh, I, that is... look, the country has changed a lot since I left, OK?
Screw you guys, I'm leaving to go watch some cricket.