For the third consecutive season, we are proud to introduce the Deadspin Baseball Season Previews. Yes, baseball is awfully close now; heck, they're playing real games in Japan tomorrow.
Every weekday until the start of the season, a different writer will preview his/her team. We asked a gaggle of writers, from the Web, from print, from books, to tell us, in as many or as little words as they need, Where Their Team Stands. This is not meant to be factual, or dispassionate, or even logical: We just asked them to riff on why they love their team so much, or what their team means to them, or whatever.
Today: The Chicago Cubs. Your author is Mike Bruno.
Mike Bruno is an editor for Entertainment Weekly and a former writer for The Black Table. His words are after the jump.
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Has it really been a hundred years? My, how time flies. Not that I've suffered through the whole thing, of course. I may grumble about a bad hip and have to pee more often than I used to, but I'm still a few decades shy of the century mark, which makes this anniversary feel more like a legend — a fable, if you will — than a landmark within a tangible losing streak I've endured. Besides, there were some sweet moral victories last season. For one, the Cubs made the playoffs. Two, despite a horrid start, they wound up finishing last season stronger than any other team in baseball. Plus, of course, they placed above the St. Louis Cardinals — the ultimate moral victory for any Cub fan.
My obsession with moral victories may fuel the theory that I am your stereotypically delusional Cubs fan, fervently rooting for a loser, generating excuses instead of accepting that the sun is more likely to explode and turn every man, woman and child into a blotch of molten plasma before the Cubs actually win a World Series. So go ahead and laugh at me — for loving my baseball team unconditionally, for having my allegiance tested like no other team's fan, for never giving up hope. Because this year, my friends, 100 years after "Three-Finger" Brown, Jack Taylor and Ed Reulbach drove to Wrigley in those rickety old cars you have to crank to start and won their second of two consecutive World Series by defeating the Pittsburgh Pirates, on this year, with one of the fattest batting orders and most promising pitching staffs in the game, the Cubs really could do it.
That's right. I'm saying it. It's the 100-year mark and the Chicago frickin' Cubs are winning the damn pennant, and there isn't a goat, geek or Garvey that's gonna stop 'em. Delusional and pathetic, am I? False hope and a pocket full of stupid excuses, have I? Please allow me to break it all down using the most objective logic I can muster.
100 Years, 100 Schmears
The 100 years thing is meaningless and overhyped. The fact is, the Cubs were a baseball powerhouse back in the 1900s, whereas the Texas Rangers, Houston Astros, Milwaukee Brewers, Washington Nationals (Montreal Expos), San Diego Padres and Seattle Mariners have all NEVER won the World Series. And yet everyone is so fond of pointing out a former dynasty's failings while subordinating the futility of those losers. (I could also point out that the Cleveland Indians haven't won since 1948 and the San Francisco Giants haven't been crowned champs since 1954, which is also pretty sad.) Speaking of losers, what about the New York Yankees? Oh, they're so great, what with their 26 World Series titles. But they haven't won a Series since 2000. Think on this: the 21st century actually started on Jan. 1, 2001, right? Which means (yes!) that the Yankees haven't won a Series in a century either. That's right. But Chicago, always the second city, gets saddled with the century-of-losing mantel. So, so typical.
Kosuke Fukudome
The Cubs may have spent a lot more money ahead of last season, but it was this offseason that they finally filled the biggest hole in their roster and signed a Japanese player. I am really excited about this. Boston won last year, and who was their big off-season acquisition? Dais-K. Japanese guy. And the Yanks, while in the midst of a century-long World Series drought themselves, did pretty well last century with that Matsui guy. Where's he from again? Oh yeah. JAPAN . Plus, Fukodome hits left-handed and, I hear, is very strong (always good). The Japanese is really just icing on the cake. Hell, look what Ichiro has done for... crap, what team is he on again? Well, whichever, I'm sure they're good.
Carlos Zambrano
This is the year Z jumps from "potential" to "actual" Cy Young contender and here's why: the six-year contract extension. Zambrano's trouble in the past as been focus, but now that his financial well-being is taken care of with a guaranteed extra few million, Z can finally focus and fulfill his obligation as the team ace. Plus, the Cubs finally dumped that jerk Michael Barrett, who was always antagonizing Zambrano when all he wanted to do was pitch and occasionally point up to the sky and scream in Spanish.
Rest of the rotation
Hello, yesterday? This is today, and I'd like you to my version of Prior and Wood: Ted Lilly and Rich Hill. These guys both had career years last season, and... well that's darn near certain to continue in 2008 (name one reason why not). Then there's Jason Marquis, who looks to be extremely serviceable bordering on satisfactory in the fourth slot, plus Jon Lieber is set to make his big comeback, if he can beat out Sean "We Are" Marshall at No. 5, and... well... Zambrano!
Bullpen
The bad-ass two-headed monster of Bob Howry and Carlos Marmol should get the job done at closer (two guys have got to be better than one Dempster, and he was good enough to take the division). Then there's Wood in the bullpen, which should work out fine once he hashes being able to pitch in back-to-back games. Really, the bullpen is pretty stacked from top to bottom, now that Will Ohman is gone. Cuz let's face it, last year's post-season collapse was really Will Ohman's fault. His and Michael Barrett's.
Sluggers
Soriano, Lee, and Ramirez: Sick. That's the only word you can use to describe them... behind the plate. Sick behind the plate. When they play up to their potential. The only way to describe them. Add Fuko to the mix, and the Cubs now have four .300 hitters capable of 40-45 home runs and 100-125 RBIs. And although Soriano will probably insist on leading off, with Barrett finally gone, this year he should get more chances to knock in hitters from the bottom of the order. Plus, Fukudome is from Japan.
Other new guys
Not only did the Cubs sign a big, strong, left-handed Japanese guy, they also landed one of the top prospects in all of baseball this off-season with Soto, making it possible, if not likely, that the Cubs will have the Cy Young winner hurling to the 2008 NL rookie of the year. It's such an improvement over that idiot Michael Barrett it isn't even funny. And then we have Felix "Twisted Nad" Pie, who's finally making his big league debut surrounded by hype we haven't seen since the Cubs drafted Mark Prior over Mark Teixeira in 2001.
The rest of the lineup
The corners are two of the best in the game, but up the middle they're merely above average. Until the inevitable signing of Brian Roberts, we'll have to settle for Mark DeRosa at 2B (assuming the heart condition doesn't sideline him - man up, DeRosa). At shortstop we'll again see Ryan Theroit, who really "sparked" the offense and finished just 24 points short of batting .300 last season. As Adam Sandler once said, not too shabby.
Lou Pinella
Let's face it, the guy's a winner. And he isn't afraid to do whatever it takes to get it done, even if it means having to pretend he's a crazy, hat-kicking old man to motivate his players. He's already got a World Series ring, but I have no doubt that Bak... er, Pinella has another one in his future.
So there ya have it, haters. The Cubs are finally the team to beat this year, at least in the National League... Central. With Barrett finally out on his ass, there really are no holes, save possibly for Scott Eyre, the middle infield, various injury concerns, and the closing and No. 5 rotation spots. The only question left is will the Cubs take the NL Central with 85 wins or 90? If they peak at the right moment (and don't think Pinella won't let last year's post-season spanking motivate him to finish strong this year), there's no reason this club can't win the pennant. Oh wait, Ryan Dempster predicted they'll win the Series this year. Ryan Dempster said that. Okay, then. It ends this year.
Bite me, Pujols.












Comments
but can the Cubs mend his broken heart?
[withleather.com]
You missed the most important issue: Will they ever mend Matthew's heart after Helen broke up with him?
100 Years, 100 Schmears: Celebrating A Century of Goldfarb's Deli.
My question: did the Cubbies fully research the possible effect of the early season Wrigley winds on Fuko's seemingly abnormally large head paired with his little leaguers body?
Gotta think of these things, people.
Zambrano's trouble in the past has been focus, but now that his financial well-being is taken care of with a guaranteed extra few million, Z can finally focus and fulfill his obligation as the team ace.
Yep, I'm pretty sure that's how it works.
Yay Cubs! Personally, I'll be happy with whatever their record is as long as Trib owner Sam Zell doesnt screw over the team and the city.
Already looking ahead to their second century of misery.
Woooheeewww!!!!! CUBBIES!!!!!
I have my tickets already for a trip down to Philly the weekend of my birthday (April 11th) to see the Cubs take on the Phils
So. This Fukudome chap. He's Korean you say?
When my girl broke my heart all I had to lean on was the Chiefs and the Royals it isn't all bad buddy.
Oh No! A Cub fan who thinks Marquis is serviceable.
/disgruntled Cub fan
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but Wrigley wasn't open in 1908.
"they also landed one of the top prospects in all of baseball this off-season with Soto"
Que?
Not much of baseball fan this writer. According to the first paragraph, the Cubs defeated the Pittsburgh Pirates for their last World Series win. Dude, they've both always been National League teams so that is impossible.
Which means (yes!) that the Yankees haven't won a Series in a century either.
This seems like slightly spurious logic, no?
Let's face it, the Cubs could finish 5 games under .500 and still win the NL Central.
@JimmyChitwood: The rumor is the O's will send Roberts and Payton to the Cubs for young player and Marquis. DO NOT WANT.
@UkraineNotWeak: Me too. And watching Belushi finally perish without seeing his precious team win it all. I call that, "According to the Diesel."
@Dead Wrestlers Society: player(s)
Also, Matsui didn't come over to the Yankees until 2002-2003. Forget which one.
WE PLAY IN AN OUTDOOR PARK
I would like to get Ozzie Guillen and Pinella drunk and lock them in a cage at third base. That would be more interesting than watching this team.
Maybe this Cubs season preview will mend Mathhew's heart.
I would give my left nut to see Harry Carey come back to life to pronounce Kosuke Fukudome
Many's a year when the Cubs are predicted to do well, win the World Series, etc. and every year they seem to find new and creative ways to crap themselves. Everything is looking up for them again, so I can't wait to see how they blow it this year.
Also, how the hell did this guy get to write the Cubs preview?
Wrigley Field in 1908?
Matsui on the Yankees LAST century?
PICKED UP SOTO IN THE OFF-SEASON? Dude, the guy was on the team last September!
they're playing real games in Japan tomorrow.
is it today or tomorrow in Japan right now? but what about this morning? was that tomorrow? today? dammit I hate time zones.
100 Years, 100 Smears: Celebrating a Century of Cervical Cancer Prevention
Much of this argument seems to rely on strict conditionals. Simply stating that Zambrano will jump from potential to actual doesn't make it so. If that worked, Adam Kennedy would have been great for us last year.
So, Jason Marquis, he of the near 6 second half ERA, is a satisfactory #4 starter?
/Steve Phillips nods in approval
Any word on Pie's testicle.
100 years, 100 cheers: The Arizona Cardinals at 100
Ok....I'm starting to wonder here......
1. No mention of the fact Dempster's the third starter
2. Saying that Pie is making his "big league debut"
3. Stating that the Cubs "landed" Soto in the offseason
4. Marmol and Howry should get in done at closer
5. "With Barrett finally gone..."
That Cubs-Cardinals rivalry is just so...damn...yawn...well, whatever.
Will, I thought you were editor of Deadspin. How could you post something on your site with two major howlers in the second paragraph? Wrigley wasn't open in 1908 and the Cubs didn't beat the Pirates in the World Series that same year.
I am ashamed for Cubs fans everywhere that this guy wrote this preview.
We get it, you didn't like Michael Barrett. I'm sure you HATED him the year he won the Silver Slugger Award for Catchers when with the Cubs.
This preview sucks. (Just like the Cardinals)
@CIALIS COOPER: Yes, and that word is "revolting".
@Gourmet Spud:
An excerpt from Mike Bruno's new book, "Corporate Tactics And Whatnot"
1) Give all your employees a guaranteed 6-year advance on their salaries.
2) ...
3) Profit!
@RBS: I have pointed most of these points out and am ashamed as a Cubs fan that this dick doesn't know jackshit
Thanks to the saga of Matthew and Helen, today is the day I went from not caring about the long-suffering of Cubs fans to actually rooting for it to continue.
@UkraineNotWeak: I'm assuming this is a great Cardinal fan conspiracy. First I get an Illini fan writing the Hoosiers preview for the tourney, now this?
100 Years, 100 Leers: Town Celebrates Milestone Birthday of Centenarian Pervert
@Doyle McPoyle: Yes, I believe that is it. Thank you, kindly.
You don't supposed he was confusing Matsui with Hideki Irabu, do you? I mean, technically Irabu won a World Series with the Yankees. On the other hand, he was a fat toad.
No one should like Ted Lilly that much.
Should have just let Mariotti write the article, at least he would have been entertaining while bashing the Cubs chances, calling Zambrano fat, and ranting on why Ozzie Guillen should be deported.
@Brazil Thrill:
Chapter 2: The Japanese Make Very Good Workers
Dempster is closing. Soriano is batting second. Pie is not making his major league debut. They did not "land" Soto, they already had him. Lieber is in long relief and there is no mention of Dempster as one of the starters... This preview is weak.
These guys both had career years last season, and... well that's darn near certain to continue in 2008 (name one reason why not).
Um...luck? Regression to the mean? I could really go on for days here.
@RBS: I demand a REDO.
This is the written equivalent of watching Jim Belushi represent Chicago on Monday Night Football.
@OchentaYcinco:
I'm sad that he took the site down. Now where will I go to enjoy the misery of others?
Wrigley Field, you say?
@RBS: beat me to it RBS, drags
@Camp Tiger Claw: John Gibbons is glad somebody finally understands his beef
I'd be more impressed with this if he had spelled his manager's name right.
@RBS:
I'm surprised he didn't recall going to night games at Wrigley back when he was a kid in the 70s.
Isn't the Fukodome where the Sox and A's are playing right now?
100 years, 100 Jeers: A celebration of Phil Mushnick's cybertronic heart.
This preview makes less sense then when Ozzy Osbourne sang the 7th-Inning stretch