And there it is. The dreaded comparison: "Detroit is 0-5 for the first time since the Tigers dropped their first nine games in 2003 en route to an AL-record 119 losses." For the record, the 2008 Tigers are in no way similar to the 2003 variety, with the exception of players named Brandon Inge, Jeremy Bonderman, and Ramon Santiago. The 2003 Tigers had nobody with more than five saves. The 2003 Tigers saw Mike Maroth lose 21 games. And the 2003 Tigers gave Bobby Higginson almost $12 million to hit .235, while they gave another $8 million to Dean Palmer for ... well, nobody knows. It was probably a Clarence Beaks type "consulting" situation. Other than the 0-5 start, these two teams are completely different.

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And if I keep saying that, perhaps it'll be true. Dontrelle Willis had five innings of no-hit baseball, although seven walks were included in there. Once the sixth inning arrived, the White Sox finally began to hit the baseball with bats issued to them in the dugout, piling on four runs en route to a 5-3 victory.

...And The Horse You Rode In On. Kosuke Fukudome, through five games, has been a pretty solid foreign investment. He and Derrek Lee roughed up Roy Oswalt, and used his lunch money to buy candy from the vending machine. Lee went 4-for-4 with a 2-run home run, and Fukudome went 2-for-4 (he's batting .500, how Zen of him) with a pair of runs driven in. Kerry Wood earned his second save, and he seems rather healthy this time. For once the swinging axe missed him completely on his way back to the locker room.

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Andy Capped. The long-awaited — I'm sure at least someone was looking forward to it — return for Andy Pettitte to Yankee Stadium failed to provide quality pitching. He allowed five runs in five innings, including a three-run homer courtesy of Jonny Gomes, as the Rays won 6-3, taking the first two games of this four-game showdown. Gomes had 4 RBIs in all, while Edwin Jackson pitched six innings, allowing one measly run, which was produced by Alex Rodriguez, of course. Proving baseball players are no different from the rest of us, in that we all go down there to retire and die, Troy Percival closed out his first game in almost two years for Tampa.

Pet Peavy. You might have trouble picking Jake Peavy out of a lineup, provided he was standing in a row with pitching machines loaded with nothing but knives and napalm. Peavy was practically perfect, lasting the entire game and allowing just one run, two hits and a walk, striking out eight in a 4-1 Padres victory over the Dodgers.

What Is This, Soccer? That improved pitching we've heard so much about down in Texas showed itself, allowing just two runs to the Los Angeles Angels of Neighboring City. (Good.) Unfortunately, the Rangers themselves only got one run against Jeff Weaver. (Bad, bad, BAD. Feel bad all night and flog yourself bad.) The Angels held on to win 2-1 thanks to Weaver's seven scoreless innings. Kevin Millwood pitched a complete game in the loss.

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Billy Crystal, DNP. The guy who struck out Billy Crystal fared poorly against the Marlins, who granted are pretty close to the athletic talent of fading Jewish comic legends, but slightly better. Paul Maholm struck out nine but allowed five runs in five innings, including a grand slam to Mike Jacobs. The Marlins ended up winning 7-3.