You know you've thought to yourself each time you've plopped in front of a couch to watch The Masters, 'Hey, I wonder if anybody's ever penned some pussymouthed lyrics to go with that morose piano tinkling they always play?'

Well, potato chip-inhaling ruminator, there are. And thanks to the crew at The Meaningful Collateral, you can listen to the Masters theme as it was originally intended: with treacly words.

According to TMC, the song and lyrics were written by one Dave Loggins, less successful and more bearded brother of Footloose craftsman, Kenny. The lyrics were chopped by CBS because, well, they didn't want them. CBS missed out.

Flick a lighter and sway:

Well, it's springtime in the valley on Magnolia Lane
It's the Augusta National and the master of the game
Who'll wear that green coat on Sunday afternoon?
Who'll walk the 18th fairway singing this tune?
Augusta, your dogwoods and pines
They play on my mind like a song
Augusta, it's you that I love
And it's you that I'll miss when I'm gone.
It's Watson, Byron Nelson, Demaret, Player and Snead
It's Amen Corner and it's Hogan's perfect swing
It's Sarazen's double eagle at the 15 in '35
And the spirit of Clifford Roberts that keeps it alive
Augusta, your dogwoods and pines
They play on my mind like a song
Augusta, it's you that I love
And it's you that I miss when I'm gone.
It's the legions of Arnie's Army and the Golden Bear's throngs
And the wooden-shafted legend of Bobby Jones

I'm guessing CBS was a little paranoid about the "wooden-shafted legend" line.

Holy Fuck: The Masters' Theme Has Words [The Meaningful Collateral]

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