Deadspin
You know you've thought to yourself each time you've plopped in front of a couch to watch The Masters, 'Hey, I wonder if anybody's ever penned some pussymouthed lyrics to go with that morose piano tinkling they always play?'
Well, potato chip-inhaling ruminator, there are. And thanks to the crew at The Meaningful Collateral, you can listen to the Masters theme as it was originally intended: with treacly words.
According to TMC, the song and lyrics were written by one Dave Loggins, less successful and more bearded brother of Footloose craftsman, Kenny. The lyrics were chopped by CBS because, well, they didn't want them. CBS missed out.
Flick a lighter and sway:
Well, it's springtime in the valley on Magnolia Lane
It's the Augusta National and the master of the game
Who'll wear that green coat on Sunday afternoon?
Who'll walk the 18th fairway singing this tune?
Augusta, your dogwoods and pines
They play on my mind like a song
Augusta, it's you that I love
And it's you that I'll miss when I'm gone.
It's Watson, Byron Nelson, Demaret, Player and Snead
It's Amen Corner and it's Hogan's perfect swing
It's Sarazen's double eagle at the 15 in '35
And the spirit of Clifford Roberts that keeps it alive
Augusta, your dogwoods and pines
They play on my mind like a song
Augusta, it's you that I love
And it's you that I miss when I'm gone.
It's the legions of Arnie's Army and the Golden Bear's throngs
And the wooden-shafted legend of Bobby Jones
I'm guessing CBS was a little paranoid about the "wooden-shafted legend" line.
Holy Fuck: The Masters' Theme Has Words [The Meaningful Collateral]
Comments
Why is it that the minute I saw the phrase "pussymouthed lyrics" I immediately knew that this was written by The Balls?
"Wooden-shafted legend"? So Bobby Jones was hung like a tee?
Why not just write new lyrics to "One Shining Moment"?
The ball is chipped...
Maybe Dave just wished he could play with the boys also.
Golden Bear's thongs? What the hell?
Oh. Nevermind.
They'd probably be a little more paranoid about that "Golden Bear's thong" line.
Oh, its throng?
Ignore that, then
Needs more Messina.
@Weed Against Speed: Dude, wtf?
It's Sarazen's double eagle at the 15 in '35
Or....
It's the Hooters girl spread eagle at the 15th in :35!
-John Daly
Jim Nance has one hell of a singing voice!
And who will be the next athlete to be honored by the "wooden-shafted legends" tag?
@Rob Iracane: "The balls are dipped..." What? I'm talking about the ball-washing machine! Oh, grow up.
Shoulda been you, "Candle In The Wind: Payne Stewart"
I dunno, the other Loggins did some pretty pussymouthed lyrics himself, especially when it came to writing songs about camps for retarded kids.
"I like the love
And I like the peaceful
I wish everyone I know could
Stand in the heartlight..."
Not to be confused with Neil Diamond's "Heartlight," which is about E.T.
Who was kinda like a retarded kid, I guess.
There is none more bearded than Kenny Loggins.
That is mildly more entertaining if you imagine Mitch & Mickey singing it...
"Fairway to the Danger Zone"?
Who'll wear that green coat on Sunday afternoon?
Who'll walk the 18th fairway singing this tune?
It's a message from the Riddler!
@jake(ymon): Pussymouthed? He wrote "Playing With the Boys" from the Top Gun soundtrack, and that song is- oh.
@Lady Andrea: There's a mighty wind a-blowin', and it's blowin' toward the tee.
Little known fact: the first "wooden-shafted legend" was Pinocchio.
"Who'll walk the 18th fairway singing this tune?"
Ummm, nobody.
I prefer "O Canada"
@Clare: heee, very nice.
♪♪ Heaven help the man who wrote this song...♪♪
I prefer Mike & The Mechanics' "Labatt Brier, I Send My Heart to Thee."
That...was...baffling.
Maybe CBS didn't use it because he called it "Amen's Corner" and "The Green Coat."
It's Watson, Byron Nelson, Demaret, Player and Snead
It's Tiger, Fried Chicken and Collard Greens.
/Fuzzy'd
I clicked on that YouTube video, and now I'm growing ovaries.
@Afino: golf clap, +1
who greenlighted this shit?!
You're running for your liiiife
Cause Steve Williams is after yoooooou
What junk. Makes me want to fast-forward past the Masters and watch some meaningless NBA Eastern Conference junk.
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