Here's a pretty amusing video unearthed by the kids at Fan IQ, which features Max Kellerman, ex of just about every sports channel in every capacity, in his pre-WWL days doing his best 3rd Bass impersonation with his late brother Sam. (Sam, sadly, was viciously murdered back in '04. Gorgeous story by Gary Smith about that whole thing right here.)
The hip-hop duo of "Sam & Max" was once a part of Ruffhouse/Columbia record label. Ruffhouse, as those of you in the 610/215 may know, was once headquartered in Conshohocken. (I actually interned there one summer and did many exciting things: I stood in a parking lot spot for 20 minutes to hold it for Spearhead, dropped off laundry for Dishwalla, bought 40 cans of Redi-Whip for Ugly Kid Joe and, most memorably, smoked a blunt with DJ Muggs from Cypress Hill and lost my mind. College ruled.)
Anyway, back to Max. His rhyme skills are you know, pretty much what you'd expect from a a guy who looks like he's got a very expensive beard trimmer and an expansive collection of gold chain-over-turtleneck wardrobe combinations. One of Max's memorable rhymes:
• "Hit your man with a hook, don't jab it/I'll beat you with my left hand, just like Jim Abbott"
That's a good one. Let's think of some better, more patently offensive rhyme boasts featuring athletes. Here are mine:
• "Get you in the backseat of my pimped out Plymouth Reliant/I'll blast it on your face, just like my boy Kobe Bryant"
• " I'll roundhouse right ya, knock off your stupid lid /Make your head blow up, the size of TJ Kidd's"
• " I'll crap on your face, a big, brown deuce-ski/ it'll make you have a massive stroke, just like Tedy Bruschi"