What you missed while trying to think of a way to convince your wife that spending the economic stimulus check on a shiny new set of Titliest 735.CM's is a good idea for both of us.

Dear Minnesota Twins,
Please stop shitting the bed.
Respectfully, stealofthedraft.

What you missed while watching the Sharks and Fla--zzzz ...

Who's the genius that thought up time zones?

What you missed while listening to the musical stylings of Lili Von Shtupp down at the town saloon.

I always root for Calgary since one of my Romanians ended up moving there right before high-school. She would be eighteen or nineteen now, too, so I don't feel bad about [redacted].

What you missed while thinking about using your refund to buy the Braves a new conditioning staff

Seriously.....now Moylan's going to go see Doctor Death.

Anyone have some healthy arms the Braves can borrow?

Dad, we can play the Indians EVERYday?

Sadly, that Sox win last night after the B's loss was like your buddy totalling your car but filling up the tank for you.

The lightsaber would have also cauterized the wounds, so no blood would have spurted out.

/hops on speederbike, zooms away

@Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price: Charles Dowd [en.wikipedia.org]

What you missed whi- AHHHH!!

Meet the new relief pitcher, same as the old relief pitcher. Thanks for playing, Jensen Lewis.

@Sh!tShow: That guy from Montreal is always totaling my car. I'm used to it.

@apostles03: Remind me to kick his ass when I get home.

What you missed as you wish Mother Nature would take a Midol... Seriously, bitch, pick a season and stick with it.

@Doyle McPoyle: So he's walking down a non-moving escalator (Stairs, thank you Mitch), and holding the railing, he "loses his footing", and goes over the railing?

Either the construction at Shea is substandard, or this story doesn't wash.

What you missed while preparing for a conference call alone since your boss is stuck on a plane.

What you missed while calling a fat kid "Butterhead".

Seriously, how many brain cells do you lose by watching the Today Show?

What you missed while rubbing one out to the girl who won The Biggest Loser

@Herbies_Wingman:

Better do it now before she dives headfirst back into the tub of Crisco.

@Herbies_Wingman: Oh, sure. But which chubby chaser has two thumbs and the balls to admit they were polishing the dolphin from the start? This guy.

What you missed while trying to glue back together the pieces of a broken championship...

@Doyle McPoyle: What a die-hard fan.

@Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price: Sorry for the convenience.

Wow. That video satisfies me on so many levels of nerdly goodness. In thanks, I bring you this, which may be the only thing nerdlier:

+ Watch video

@Doyle McPoyle: The death of Nararainsami, who was wearing a Mets cap when he fell, appeared to be an accident, and no charges had been filed, police said.

But after he fell his Mets cap had mysteriously disappeared, as did his wallet and cell phone.

/seriously that sucks