As we've made clear before, we have a hard time firing ourselves up for the NFL Draft. It's the type of weird madhouse obsession with young men who are just trying to figure themselves out that ends up leading to situations like the one with Kevin Hart. It's a big list of names of people you don't know, read for about 14 hours, after which everyone discusses who "won" and "lost" even though by the time we know the answers to those questions, we will have moved on to another draft, and forgotten all about this one.

That said, everyone's all a-twitter about the draft, so it must be acknowledged — and we understand Drew is going to hammer us for this viewpoint on Thursday — and we'll be covering it all weekend too. The weekend editor is the suddenly famous Christmas Ape, and he'll be joined by Michael Tanier of Football Outsiders, doing the sort of instant analysis that we're all helplessly addicted to. And yes: Jake Long is going first.

So yeah: Young men you don't know, post underwear inspection. We can't wait.

6:15 PM on Tue Apr 22 2008
By Leitch
4,222 views
25 comments

Comments

LosOsosdeChicago at 06:28 PM on 04/22/08
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From the picture, I thought I'd accidentally clicked on Fleshbot.
LosOsosdeChicago at 06:29 PM on 04/22/08
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On an unrelated note, did anyone see this: [www.nfl.com]

Shouldn't Herschel Walker for everybody be up there?
Yostal at 06:34 PM on 04/22/08
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Connectedness Index: 604

On behalf of Wolverines everywhere, I'd like to congratulate Jake on becoming the first Michigan player to go #1 overall in the common draft era and wish him well in Miami.

And I am now very excited to hear that Christmas Ape will be running this sucker this weekend. That should make it very fun. Can we get the number of a pizza place near Radio City to deliver a pizza to the last player left in the Green Room?
TheHogBlogger at 06:35 PM on 04/22/08
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No, but nice abs.
$Image of Brazil Thrill\'s Shot Was Blocked By KG$ Brazil Thrill's Shot... at 06:38 PM on 04/22/08
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Connectedness Index: 348

I really feel for Jets fans, seeing as the following is likely to happen:

And with the 6th pick...
*Jets fans hold hands*
...of the 2008 NFL Draft...
*Their heart rate accelerates*
...the New York Jets choose...
*Anticipation turns to nausea*
...wide receiver...
*Oh no*
De'Cody Fagg from Florida State.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The Fan’s Attic at 06:38 PM on 04/22/08
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Do these guys have peppermint jocks, too?
I Party With 33765-183 at 06:39 PM on 04/22/08
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Connectedness Index: 91

@LosOsosdeChicago: I'll still maintain that the Vick trade was the right trade for Atlanta. If one more person says something stupid about LT having a better completion percentage than Vick, I'll stab them in the temple with a plastic spoon.
jisrael1 at 06:40 PM on 04/22/08
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Good god. If he decelerates too quick, I'm pretty sure his abs will pop out of his stomach...and subsequently get picked in the 3rd round by the Lions.
Le Kangourou de... at 06:42 PM on 04/22/08
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Is even his BELLYBUTTON ripped?

Whoa. I need to get to the gym.
Camp Tiger Claw at 06:45 PM on 04/22/08
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@Brazil Thrill - Hawks Aficionado: He could actually follow in the footsteps of recent FSU offensive players that underachieved in college but have made good pros (Boldin, Javon Walker, Leon Washington).

That being said, spending any time following the draft is for Faggs.
The Fan’s Attic at 06:46 PM on 04/22/08
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Minimal clothes, spandex, close cropped hair, headband.

One of these things doesn't belong.
the earl of weaver at 06:47 PM on 04/22/08
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Isiah just signed him to- oh. Right. Damn.
Flαmεtown at 06:48 PM on 04/22/08
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Christmas Ape for President! Fuck Obama and Bilary!
The Teufel Shuffle at 06:50 PM on 04/22/08
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This sight has been way too heavy on cocks, balls, and half-naked men over the last two days for my comfort.

/sexual organ reference
Le Kangourou de... at 07:03 PM on 04/22/08
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@The Teufel Shuffle: This sight has been way too heavy on cocks, balls, and half-naked men over the last two days much to my delight.

/still, danica's hot.
MDT at 07:10 PM on 04/22/08
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If Bill Parcells does nothing else as the GM of the Dolphins, he gets my vote for letting me sleep in another 3 hours on Saturday.
ImAManImForty at 07:26 PM on 04/22/08
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[cliche alert]

MAH-TIN! MAH-TIN!

[/cliche alert]
Laser Guided at 07:28 PM on 04/22/08
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I will be watching the draft for the ridiculous suits.
Magnakai Haaskivi at 07:32 PM on 04/22/08
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For my fellow Clevelanders, just remember that the draft starts sometime around 2:00 on Sunday.
WithMalice at 07:35 PM on 04/22/08
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@Yostal:
As a 'Phins-fan, I'd like to hope that Long can actually make an impact.
Glass_Family at 07:47 PM on 04/22/08
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@Brazil Thrill - Hawks Aficionado: Jeff Lageman is impressed with that pick.
Chief Wahoo at 07:49 PM on 04/22/08
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@Magnakai Haaskivi: I'm still going on Saturday just to heckle the Steelers, Ravens, and bengals.
Magnakai Haaskivi at 08:02 PM on 04/22/08
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@Chief Wahoo: Good hunting, my friend. Make sure you ask the Bengals fans if they'll have to retire #85 after they trade Chad.
FirstDerivative at 08:52 PM on 04/22/08
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@Chief Wahoo: I'm going as well, I'm looking forward to breaking out the Jets hat, followed by sobbing.
Packy at 09:11 AM on 04/23/08
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Eagles draft another OT that will not see the field until 2011...thanks god I will be at work for most of this crap.