I'll warn you that this video, compiled and edited by the Miami New Times, is uniquely horrific. In it, Miss USA Pageant 2011 contestants attempt to answer — or simply to formulate words in a coherent sentence about the idea proposed — whether or not evolution should be taught in schools. The New Times admits to having edited in responses to another question posed during the interviews (some variation on "can you make a funny noise?"), but mostly what this is is ladies with big hair and few opinions to share. And the occasional motor-boat sound effect.

If the contestants have mastered anything in public speaking, then it is the ability to either deflect a question by saying nothing all (see: Washington), or to fall back on a moralizing aside based on "where I came from" (see: Alabama). These young women do, however, possess an uncanny ability to walk around in stilettos and bikinis, and they should be saluted for it. Really, they should. It is admirable, and I mean that. But unless national embarrassment is a goal, it may be time to do away with the questions. To evolve away from the format. This great nation has shown, after all, that not even our female presidential candidates need be articulate.

Miss Florida USA Doesn't Understand Evolution, Fits Right In [Miami New Times]