Deadspin
Either the world of NBA fans is going to collectively groan and try to work themselves up for yet another Spurs playoff series tonight ... or the Spurs' assault on our senses will perhaps finally end. Fingers crossed.
To make sure you're appropriately prepared for tonight's Hornets-Spurs Game 7 in New Orleans, The Grand National Championships has a hecker's guide so that you might effectively yell at your television tonight. A tidbit:
This is your NBA dynasty. A bunch of addicts, cheap shot artists, floppers, punks, and wannabes. They’ve brought the game back into the dark ages. I’m not writing this as a fan of the NOOCH. I’m writing this because this team has got to be stopped. I don’t care if it gives Kobe another ring. I don’t even care if it allows Boston fans to act like D-Bags.
The Spurs are all that is wrong with the on-court game of basketball. We can fade a lesser evil.
If you want to know what life is like for a soccer fan, watch the Spurs, and let your blood boil. Of course, this means they will win, and Chris Paul will spend the end of the game crawling across the floor after attacking Robert Horry's elbow with his throat.
The Guide To Hating Your Spurs [The Grand National Championships]
Comments
Pavaratti is really reaching down deep to hit that note.
I'll have what the guy in the beige shirt is having.
It's fun to stay at the G! A! Y! Y!
He's totally going to use the same move on his 400 pound wife tonight and just ride the wave, baby!
I had a feeling Angela from the office was a spurs fan
That arena is whiter than the Schilling family Christmas card.
It's been a long time since I've read a hecker's guide.
Doin the Bull Dance, Feelin the Flow
/Slams head into keyboard.
I like the casual fist-pump of the trophy slut with the red cup.
@Gourmet Spud: You win.
Thread's over, everyone. Nothing more to see here.
@MeSoHornsby: You might as well say that for any NBA arena.
@She Blinded Me With Violence: Dromedary urine? Ewww
San Antonio ain't exactly supermodel country.
Boston fans as the lesser evil? That's un-possible.
Is that Diane Lane sitting in the lower left?
Game 7 drinking game. Drink every time you hear one of these words/phrases:
Experience, Anything can happen, Confidence, Youth, Cheap shots, Sense of urgency, Adjustments, every time you see the Tim Duncan face, every time somebody 'flops'
Who's with me? See you in jail (or hopefully just a gutter somewhere)
No, x1,000
PA: See Pee Three Woo!
Crowd: *Woo!*
PA: Woo!
Crowd: *Woo!*
It's time for Gregg Popovich to get his for bastardizing the game of basketball on every series by employing his mindless "Hack-A-[Bad FT Shooter]" strategy at every opportunity, no matter what the score is.
I don't even care if it allows Boston fans to act like D-Bags.
Like we need to be "allowed" to act like D-Bags.
@Weed Against Speed: It looks like he's squaring up for a donkey punch.
I see 4, count 'em, 4, black people
@The Fan's Attic: You've obviously never been to Phillips Arena.
@Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies: I'm throwing a yes to the seated chick in the bottom left, mostly because I'm desperate and lonely.
the older guy in gray on the right is definitely squeezing something out at that precise moment.
Front row, right, old guy in the gray shirt -
"Now you kids, get off my court!"
Let's take a hypothetical here:
If the Hornets' bench, about 15 seconds into the game, just flooded the court and beat the shit out of every Spurs starter, injured them for at least the rest of Game 7... remember, this is hypothetical... would the Hornets become the favorites all of a sudden?
Hornets' starters vs. Spurs' bench... who ya got?
I'll tell you what really has to be stopped. This jersey-over-dress-shirt trend. Looking at you, Guy In Khakis!
@Gourmet Spud: +1
If I had a T-1000 robot, I would send it back in time to off the asshat who invented Thunderstix.
I never realized the Spurs played in a Home Depot's lumber department.
@Brazil Thrill: You may be right, but until I have seen evidence otherwise, I will just assume it is like every other NBA arena. That is, eye-blindingly white.
@The Fan's Attic: Eye-blindingly white - just like my home town, college, and vision of an ideal society.
/kidding
Why is the fat guy playing air guitar and doing his Pete Townsend impression?
Couldn't be pulling any harder for the New Suns tonight. Go fuck yourself, Pop-a-lopovich.
@Rob Iracane: No, silly. I was talking about (what I assume is) his MILF of a wife seated beside him, looking like she'd rather be anywhere but there and oh my God why won't this fat bald fuck I married for money sit the hell down and stop embarrassing me.
That thing you said is just gross.
Yes, Pavarotti, Peter Griffin, Spurs Fan, Spurs Fan, sure what the hell, old guy
The Spurs better hurry up and lose. Tim Duncan is really far behind on the thank you notes for everyone that attended his sex toy party.
@MeSoHornsby: Are you from Idaho? I mean Whidaho?
I once dated a Spurs fan.
Yeah, that was a mistake. I think she was gay too.
Old guy on the right: Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!
Worst Front Row Fan In This Photo Contest. Your choices are:
A) Bored looking trophy wife with solo cup, hoping to parlay this compromise outing with 58-year-old husband into new kitchen cabinets.
B) Guy with Spurs jersey yanked unmercifully over black-and-white flannel shirt.
C) Old man with no fan gear with his fists clenched and arms raised, looking as if he's about to go on a Howard Beale tirade.
D) Pot-bellied beardo with clear plastic cup of $9 Coors lite, doing spastic pirouette of joy.
@Afino: d-yikes!
All those in favor of separate drinking fountains, raise your hand.
Flop, flop goes the weasels, the weasels.
@The Fan's Attic: Trust me, the Hawks home games have a very chess-patterned crowd.
@shea_guevara: Where was the nightmare fuel tag for the pic?
@kbjone: i would take Spurs starters because Ginobli and Parker would be the only Spur starters to lose the fight. i'd bet Umberto and Bowen could win on their own (2 vs 7 bench) as a matter of fact.
@shea_guevara: I'm going with A and figure the postgame beej will be good for a granite countertop.
@drewheyman: @kbjone: Ime Udoka Part Baller part Ninja
"Ime caught the guy in mid air with a fist and calmly continued his dispacthing of oncoming people."
@Hustler Andrew: He would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you damn kids.
Hating the Spurs is like hating the Twins... there's not enough there to hate.
Floppers? C'mon, the league is full of them.
Hyper-sggressive defenders? I wish the Knicks had one or two of them.
1994 feels like it was soooo long ago...
San Antonio, meet Jenny Craig. Jenny Craig, meet San Antonio
/the obvious matchmaker
@She Blinded Me With Violence: looks like a heartattack real soon
The difference between courtside in SA and LA is greater than just one letter.