Call The Kids, It's Another Profanity-Laced Tirade!

Ah, to return to the halcyon days of March 31, when the Mariners were 1-0 and all was right with the world. But today they're 18 games below .500, having lost four straight and 12 of their past 15. The latest, a 4-3 5-4 loss to the Angels, prompted manager John McLaren to spew some choice profanities during his post-game press conference. As you know, I love a good tirade: I use Ozzie Guillen's from last month as my ring tone. So enjoy this one, with video awesomeness following the jump.

I defy anyone to watch this and not say, "Reminds me exactly of my dad that time he had to bail me out of jail when I was a sophomore high school."

Sad to see the Mariners falling apart like this; on Wednesday morning team president Chuck Armstrong called a coaches meeting and reportedly ripped them all new ones. Then following the game, general manager Bill Bavasi ordered all players to stay by their lockers and answer reporters' questions on the loss (a mandate that Richie Sexson ignored). It's all because of the lesbian kiss, I tell you!

Torii Hunter's two-run single in the first helped send Los Angeles a season-best 13 games over .500, and to first place in the AL West.

Change We Can Believe In. The Democratic primary season may be over, but the hotly-contested AL East race is just getting going (oddly, Mike Gravel is still alive in the latter). Josh Beckett gave up one run over six innings and Coco Crisp singled twice and had a stolen base as Boston beat Tampa Bay 5-1 to take a half-game lead over the Rays. It was the Red Sox's 12th straight home win.

The Dance, She Is Over. So when did the Cubs losing a game become big news? When Greg Maddux breaks a nine-game winning streak, thats when. Maddux combined with two relievers on a four-hitter and Kevin Kouzmanoff broke a tie with a sacrifice fly in the eighth as San Diego won, 2-1.

Edinson Provides Electricity. Ken Griffey Jr. was out of the starting lineup again with "general soreness," and is still at 599 homers, as the Reds beat the Phillies 2-0. Edinson Volquez (8-2) allowed two hits, struck out eight and walked two over seven innings, lowering his ERA to a major league best 1.32. Joey Votto's two-out, run-scoring double in the seventh broke up Brett Myers' no-hitter.

Von Ryan Express. Just when you though the Indians wouldn't score another run this season, Ryan Garko had six RBI and David Dellucci had a three-run homer to lead a 15-9 win over the Rangers.

Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Day. Alex Gordon, Kansas City Royals. Sometimes to get Nick Swisher out, you have to go over the rolled-up tarp and into the stands, and no one knows this better than Wizard Cat. Gordon eats floor here but holds onto the ball for an excellent catch. Of course had this been Wrigley, that fan there would have kneed Gordon out of the way and caught the ball himself. Wizard Cat gives this play: Five wands.