What you missed while attending the retirement party for your commenter screenname, the one with the dangly hyphens...
• U.S. Open: Tiger Woods would be in first, if it weren't for that meddling Stuart Appleby.
• MLB: Yankees beat 'Stros 2-1, and Joba Chamberlain is up to six — 6! — innings. Ah ah ah.
• CFL: In case you're wondering what happened to Timmy Chang, Canada happened to him. Hamilton Tiger Cats beat Winnipeg Blue Bombers 12-10 in preseason.

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