A Pox, Ye Shall Receive Twenty Lashes

So you know what's a good baseball score? 6-4. Everyone scores a little, the game's close, and even with a runner on in the 9th, there's always a chance this beaut could be tied up. Know what's a bad score? 20-2. Those are the scores that make the casual fan cringe. Boy am I glad that's not my team. But if you are a Phillies fan, then 20-2 is probably just tops in your book — doubly so when you can score that many runs on the road.

Fact: If you were to line up the home runs by Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, and Pat Burrell in the first inning back-to-back, you would have ... [shifts abacus] three runs. The 700 Level has video proof this math is accurate. (Note: I will start embedding Redlasso videos when they starting disembeding leukemia into my browser.) From there it just went downhill, including a 9-run fourth, three Cardinals ejections in the eighth, and infielder Aaron Miles coming in to pitch the 9th, which oddly enough was St. Louis pitching's only 1-2-3 inning. Howard went 3-for-5 with two home runs, 4 runs and 5 RBI, and some rookie dude named Carlos Ruiz had 4 hits and 4 RBI, both career highs.

The Tigers Have A 30-Game Winning Streak. That's a world record! Okay, sure, technically they have losses mixed in there — 37 to be exact, but seven of those were at the beginning of the season — and, admittedly, the win streak in the purest, truthiest sense is only four games after a 5-0 win over the Dodgers. But that streak is still the longest in the majors right now, which should count for something. And the thing is, the most recent loss was that Dontrelle Willis monstrosity, and he's a Single-A pitcher now, so the loss doesn't really count. And the four-game losing streak last week? Well, all those days occurred on weekdays, while nobody's really paying attention since they have work and family functions and large quantities of sleep in between each day. In fact, you can look at every loss the Detroit Tigers have had this year and deduce that it's but an aberration and really shouldn't count against the winning streak. Thirty in a row, here's to thirty more! (For the entire season, of course.)

Do You Like Me?

Yes

No

Maybe
Chad Tracy singlehandedly, with absolutely no help from his worthless teammates, won the game on a 10th inning home run as the Diamondbacks topped the Royals 1-0. During the nine previous innings, the two teams just kind of stared at each other from their respective dugouts like boys and girls at an 8th grade dance. Randy Johnson chaperoned.

World Series Preview, No Doubt. The Rays beat the Marlins 7-3 in a matchup of the year's two surprising teams. Somebody poke Florida, it just feel asleep on itself. Also, it's nothing to be alarmed about, but Cliff Floyd had his first stolen base in two years. By the way, does anyone know how to fly a plane?

The Barry Zito Watch. The jillion dollar man went 5 2/3, gave up four runs, six hits, and four walks in the 5-1 loss to the A's. But between innings, Zito came up with an idea for a killer acoustic guitar song. It's like Oasis meets Dave Matthews. Working title: "Your Heartbeat Is My Vitaminwater."

Contact information for this author is not available.