• Now — Sport-adjacent: "Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Dallas Cowboys" marathon [HBO] - Hard Knocks: For people who prefer their soap operas encased in Lycra.
• 12:30 — Sport: 2008 Beijing Olympics [NBC] - According to NBC, we will enjoy gold-medal finals in individual rhythmic gymnastics, team synchronized swimming, boxing and flatwater canoe/kayak at some point during the afternoon daypart. Can we get these together and maybe have the boaters paddle around the swimmers in a finale to make Esther Williams proud and the boxers take swings at the ribbons like a 3-D Wii Fit mini-game?
• 12:30 — Sport: Little League World Series, International Championship [ABC]
• 3:00 — Sport: Little League World Series, U.S. Championship [ABC] - We once umpired youth baseball. We quit soon after we ejected a 9-year-old for teaching us new swear words and had a 350 lb. man smack our hat and glasses off, both at a league All-Star game.
• 4:30 — Travers Stakes [ESPN] - We don't get it; where's the water hazard?
• 4:40 — Movie: Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie [HBO Family] - We want to decide who lives and who dies.

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