• LiLo digs the Neckbeard: “Also spied dancing with an attractive blonde at Crimson Lounge: new Bears quarterback Kyle Orton — dubbed ‘’super-hot” by Lohan, Ronson and Lauper, who all admired the NFL player’s dance-floor moves.” [Sports Crackle Pop]

• Shaq's stalkee might be a little crazy: "Alexis was a Flight Attended turned Rapper (not singer)..trying to make it big for over a year now in Atlanta. The sh*t hit the fan when he kept promising her to pay for her breast augmentation (boob job) for over a year now, scheduling the surgery for her but would cancel when he heard rumors that she was stepping out with other Men in Atl." [You Been Blinded]

• Tito Ortiz will have himself a porn star child: Ortiz's girlfriend, Jenna Jameson, is pregnant. Large vagina jokes aplenty. [Watch Kalib Run]

• Too. Soon: "Chris Price, a BBC soccer reporter, crashed and burned this past weekend when he was covering a Barclays match in England against Rochdale and Bradford. Price tried to spice up his broadcast by saying Rochdale ‘were making more holes in the Bradford defence than in a Spanish aircraft,’ a joke referencing last week’s Madrid plane crash that killed 150 people, some of whose bodies are so charred that they’ll never be identified." [Macho Chip]

Send an email to A.J. Daulerio, the author of this post, at ajd@deadspin.com.