Actually, the Southern California Trojans have already won this game by 24 points, but the NCAA by-laws dictate they have to go ahead and play the game anyway. Everybody important is at the game, except you. And, well, me. So let's get through this impending Buckeyes massacre together, shall we? Oh, good, you brought queso. Then it looks like we'll ... have ... to ... JUMP. * * *Fourth Quarter 11:27 — And OSU finishes on a high note by tackling some guy really hard with three linebackers. And that's the game. If I could have made it more interesting, I would have. Translation: I would have flown in Georgia. See y'all next live blog. 11:22 — Herbstreit believes Tressel should stick with Todd Boeckman and use Terrelle Pryor sparingly. Perhaps using both is the way to go. How about the A-11? 11:19 — A Trojan punt. With four and a half minutes to go, THE COMEBACK STARTS NOW. Stipulation: OSU adds all its excess points against Troy next week to this current game. Winner stays alive in the BCS title game. 11:16 — Oh, by the way, Aaron Corp replaced Sanchez on the field, with the task of destroying the clock much like all the students in the Coliseum will destroy their livers. Or have destroyed. 11:13 — So ... Ohio State has the ball. Honest to God, what else is there to say? What insight could possibly be shared to enlighten the rest of your lives? Other than "just run the ball out and cut your losses." 11:08 — Maybe it's about time Todd Boeckman begins learning the life lessons of Justin Zwick. Translation: actually go to class, maybe get a job in finance. 11:06 — Sorry, I can't think of that Pizza Hut commercial without thinking of this: 11:04 — A huge sack by Ohio State on third down. Well, that's just going to delay the end of this game by leaps and bounds. 11:00 — After a bit of sidestepping, Herbstreit finally admits Mark Sanchez will probably be a Heisman finalist. 10:59 — A cunning strategy. Boeckman, instead of throwing poor balls that turn to interceptions, now seems to be throwing intentional picks on the off-chance that the USC defense gets disoriented and runs the wrong way to the end zone. If they get so many passes headed their way, it just may work. Now, the score by then may be 92-10, but that particular play will be successful. And at this point it's about moral victories. 10:56 — And there's Terrelle Pryor in the game again, this time as a secondary referee. Perhaps a missed call on pass interference. Then again, it's a 32-point game. Missed calls are done out of apathy and a desire for the officials to go to Shoney's as soon as possible. 10:55 — Nothing's really happening. Third Quarter So Boeckman can't throw it. Pryor gets smothered behidn the line of scrimmage. Probably for the best to end the quarter right here. 10:46 — Damian Williams did that thing again where he got the ball in the grass that was painted completely crimson. The ROTC is now getting a lot of push-ups experience, which will serve them well in the subsequent keg stands tonight. 3 3510:43 — Salters! Give us whatcha got. Mark Sanchez told every offensive starter the same lines: "This ain't it. We are not done." On the other side, Boeckman is telling every starter: "There's always the Big Ten Championship." 10:41 — Followed by a third down sack. Sheesh, even the Trix Rabbit was within scoring distance of his favorite cereal more than the Buckeyes were near the end zone tonight. 10:40 — And now for "OSU's Comeback, For Rills This Time, Part V." This week's episode: intentional grounding brings up 3rd and long. 10:34 — "OSU is trying to get back into this game." Then I suppose that touchdown catch by Damian Williams probably won't help that cause, correct? 3 2810:32 — Turns out that, yes, Auburn beats Miss. State 3-2. Instead of points, they just went by statewide literacy rates. 10:30 — Joe McKnight breaks 43 tackles in one play. "Does he think he's playing a video game?" Yes. He think he's playing Mega Man III, and he's Top Man. 10:29 — "Tommy Trojan, pointing toward Miami." And his sword, from that angle, is ... oh. Oh .. GOD! Move the camera! Hide the children! 10:26 — Quick! Punt it out of the end zone! USC gets the ball already on the right side of the field. (Aw, hell, they'd get there soon enough anyhow.) 10:24 — Ohio State will attempt a comeback by using an unproven freshman at quarterback. (But, he's fast!) 10:20 — UNNECESSARY ZOOM into Sanchez's eyes. Hey, his eye black has words on it. But I let my decoder ring back at the hotel. 10:17 — In close football news, Auburn leads Mississippi State 3-2. SEC Calvinball rules in full effect. 10:15 — The difference in this game, by the numbers: turnovers and points. In conclusion, this is a football game. Halftime Entertainment Maybe this is more pertinent if one of the teams was the Yellow Jackets, or the Hornets. But Eddie Izzard is evergreen comedy.
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