I just think for right now, we need to treat each other like... meat. Right? Didn't we read that? You need to see me as a - a big - a penis. And you need to be just this huge vagina... to me.

If you'd like to be a Deadspin advertiser, but you don't want something up your ass while doing it, jump over here. Make it happen, captain.

This week's superstars:

• Becks
• Mike's Election Guide
•Starwood Hotels
• TiVo,T-Mobile
&38226; Unscrew America

Send an email to A.J. Daulerio, the author of this post, at ajd@deadspin.com.