For Your Viewing Pleasure: It's a Hard-Knock Life for Us

• 12:00 — Movie: Annie [ABC Family] - If your team loses today, you just stick out your chin and grin and say...
• 12:00 — Sport: College Football - Georgia Tech at Georgia [CBS] - Stone Mountain will be leveled by the sheer force of will emitted from this game. This will not be enough to convince some that the Confederacy lost.
• 12:00 — Sport: College Football - Virginia at Virginia Tech [ESPN] - Thankfully, both schools are located in the real Virginia, saving everyone the trouble of having to get passports updated.
• 12:00 — Sport: College Football - South Carolina at Clemson [ESPN2] - If Clemson wins, the state becomes the state of Clemson on all official documents for one year. If South Carolina wins, the state becomes the Land of Confusion in honor of Lou Holtz.
• 12:30 — Sport: College Football - Kansas at Missouri [FSN] - You can't fool us; these are different states. Sorry, Charlie!
• 1:00 — Sport: Golf - LG Skins Game, Front Nine [ABC] - LG is the sponsor because they realized they could give cells to each player to phone in their performances with.
• 2:30 — Sport: College Football - Bayou Classic: Grambling State vs. Southern [NBC] - Every year, we swear we're going to get into this game. Every year, we fall into a nap and miss the halftime show. Then we flip over to...
• 3:30 — Sport: College Football - Florida at Florida State or Maryland at Boston College [ABC or ESPN] - Look, if you can't tell them apart by now, we can't help you.
• 3:30 — Sport: College Football - North Carolina at Duke [ESPNU] - You can't fool us; these schools don't play football. Sorry, Charlie!
• 3:30 — Sport: College Football - Auburn at Alabama [CBS] - You can call us BETTY.