• Ow, my ankles: Derrick Rose once lifted a car over his head, because he believes parallel parking is for communists. [Docksquad Sports]

• Get into my car?: Just so we're clear—Gina Carano did not have sex with that woman, Miss Evinger. No matter how many times it happens in your head, that doesn't make it real. [Watch Kalib Run]

• Hey, ladies: Oh, Devin Harris ... you rascal. Of course, even sitting next to Laker Girls can't make watching the Nets tolerable. [Sports Crackle Pop]

• Elect Dick Cox: Ah, the Hall of Fame Veteran's Committee. Because someone needs to make the misguided choices that the baseball writers couldn't get to the first time around. [I'm Writing Sports]

• Can you count to 3?: So how do they pick the three stars at a hockey game? It's even more random than you think. [Red Wings Examiner]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.