• Two minutes in the box?: Fox Sports: The source you should turn to for all your hockey-based humping metaphors. [The Sporting Blog]

• Only girls wear Super Bowl rings: Matt Hasselbeck calls Ben Roethlisberger a girl. Excuse me, would a girl try to jump six parked cars on a motorcycle without a helmet? [Midwest Sports Fans]

• Nice calendar, wrong year: Ooh, a sexy Swedish soccer player calender, huh? What's that? 15-years-old you say? Moving on.... [Unprofessional Foul]

• Lots of leg room too: Great seats still avialable for the ACC championship game. What are you laughing at? I'm serious, you guys! [Eagle in Atlanta]

• Or sailing for that matter: The Pirates sure do live up to their name. Except when it comes to actually finding treasure, that is. [Bucco Blog]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.