Area Girlfriend Is Seriously Cramping Penguin Fan's Style

Ok, fess up. Which one of you Penguin fans out there is the subject of this letter submitted to advice columnist Margo Howard?

DEAR MARGO: I have been dating a guy for two years, and when we met, everything was perfection. We have had ups and downs, of course, but I feel there's one thing that is always putting a strain on our life: My boyfriend is totally obsessed with the Pittsburgh Penguins. Everything he does revolves around them, from the clothes he wears each day (always a Penguins hat and/or shirt) to the car he drives (his license plate boasts the name of his favorite player) to his room, which is covered floor to ceiling with 8 by 10 pictures, jerseys in cases, pucks, sticks, game-used skates and hockey cards. He needs to go to all the home games (42-plus over eight months), and he goes alone because he only has one ticket. His hockey mania takes a huge toll on our relationship because it involves a large chunk of time away from "us." We both work and go to school, so our time is limited, but the Penguin season in the mix makes it much worse. I end up feeling unimportant to him — almost as if he has a second girlfriend and he's cheating on me with "her." Please help me find a way to make him understand my feelings and to lessen the strain on our relationship. —- OFF-SEASON-ONLY GIRLFRIEND

Dear OFF-SEASON-ONLY GIRLFRIEND,

Dump your boyfriend and start banging Sidney Crosby.

Love,
Deadspin

When a man loves a Penguin [From The Rink]