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• "We can probably leave this cart here behind the endzone, right? I'm sure it 
Dec 24, 2008 01:00 PM
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Wed Feb 10
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So, the next eight days will be chock full of end-of-year retrospectives. We'll do our own as well. Today: Broken legs and face slashings.
Let's be honest. There is only one reason that we pay grown men millions of dollars a year to play children's games for our amusement—the opportunity to see gruesome, life-changing injuries. I'm not talking about Tiger's wittle scwapped knee or even people who lie about motorcycle accidents. We're talking about leg removals. Throat slashings. Ball crushings. Even off-the-field beat downs and illicit shootings will count if I find them sufficiently amusing. So here they are: The scariest, funniest, bone-bendiest mishaps of 2008. (I'm sure you'll let me know if I forgot any.)
*******
• DeAndre Brown did not know legs could bend like that.
• Martin St. Louis just wanted a little off the top.
• Richard Zednik, on the other hand, will think twice before asking for the "Columbian necktie."
• Derrick Rose does not have serious knife skills.
• Joe Sackic needs a new snowblower.
• Javon Walker should know better than to be in this part of town.
• Clint Malarchuk should probably just be in protective custody at this point.
• Oh, right. That guy.
• Three words you never want to hear come out of your doctor's mouth: "Testicle recalibration surgery."
• Chris Snyder probably concurs.
• Thank goodness we have a civilized sport like MMA to put a stop to this madness.
• Even mascots are not immune to the threat of decapitation.
• "We can probably leave this cart here behind the endzone, right? I'm sure it won't be in the way."
• And the most gut-wrenching, queas-inducing, heart shuddering leg break of them all—Corey Hill's Mr. Fantastic impersonation.
Ouch.
Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.
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