The Super Bowl Does Not Want Your Erotic Fruits And VeggiesS

Our story so far: PETA produced a Super Bowl ad that featured scantily-clad women doing naughty things with vegetables. Somehow, Sean Salisbury and Whoopi Goldberg got involved. Then things got weird ...

Knowing darned well that their ad would never see the light of a flat-screen TV, PETA pretended to buy Super Bowl ad time and produced a commercial, entitled Veggie Love, that NBC promptly rejected as being too risque (NSFW, unless you work on a pirate ship).

The network watched the ad and then gave notes, as they say in Hollywood. Among the things NBC wanted cut: "licking pumpkin," "touching her breast with her hand while eating broccoli," "pumpkin from behind between legs," "rubbing pelvic region with pumpkin," "screwing herself with broccoli (fuzzy)," "asparagus on her lap appearing as if it is ready to be inserted into vagina," "rubbing asparagus on breast,", and, most shocking of all, "licking eggplant."

What would have happened in that Super Bowl halftime show if, instead of her nipple, Janet Jackson had shown a squash?

Meanwhile, PETA continued its feud with often pantsless former ESPN personality Sean Salisbury. You may remember last week, when PETA met with Michael Vick in their offices, and then called for an MRI brain scan on the quarterback before the NFL readmits him to the league. This ticked off Mr. Salisbury, who wrote about it in his column over at Open Sports.com. Hey, reasoned Salisbury; who are you owl huggers to tell a big, manly football player what to do when he gets out of the slammer?

PETA Assistant Director Dan Shannon had a reply to that (excerpt reprinted here via email):

While PETA agrees with Mr. Salisbury’s take that people deserve a second chance, we would respectfully suggest that the sympathy for Vick expressed in his blog would be better directed towards the real victims in this case—the dogs tortured and killed by Vick and Bad Newz Kennels. Mr. Salisbury closes his post by saying he’s off to go turkey hunting. Hopefully he doesn’t confuse the turkeys he’s shooting at with the one writing his column.

Best,
Dan Shannon
Assistant Director
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

The thought of Sean Salisbury turkey hunting gives me endless joy. What a battle of wits!

Oh, and Whoopi Goldberg reenacted the PETA ad on The View. Thankfully, it's safe for work. Is there a People for the Ethical Treatment of Lettuce?

But now, on to other PETA business.

• Their campaign to rename fish "sea kittens" is not really gaining much momentum, as far as I can tell.

• The above is totally true.

• And has nothing to do with this.

• "(Gasp!) Cat juggling!? Turn it off! Turn it off!"

• 11-year-old Mexican bullfighter kills six bull calves in one day. PETA not amused.

• An event in which rabbits and foxes are hunted with trained golden eagles is called "The Super Bowl of Kazakhstan."

• Will the bunny make it to the safety of PETA headquarters in time? Run, Mr. Fluffy!

Promise me, PETA, that you'll never, ever go away. Now if you'll excuse me, I have sea kittens to sautee for dinner.

People For The Ethical Treatment Of Vick [Open Sports]
NBC's Sexually-Explicit Super Bowl Ad Rejection Makes Us Blush [The PETA Files]
The Day I Spent With Michael Vick [The PETA Files]
World Record For Cruelty? [The PETA Files]
Save Our Cats From Fishermen [Video Gum]
Super Bowl Kazakh Style; Eagles Take On Bunnies, Foxes [Asylum]