Get Ready For Football's Greatest Showcase ... For Me To Poop OnS

If you're like me, you're eschewing a Super Bowl party this year and inviting all neighborhood pets over to watch Puppy Bowl V, which should have the same amount of peeing on the carpet anyway.

Puppies cavorting on a miniature football field is just what America needs in these stressful times. Puppy Bowl V runs on Sunday concurrent to the Super Bowl, on Animal Planet. Vegas hasn't set a line, but my choice for Puppy Bowl MVP has to be Eli, the Australian Shepherd mix who looks like seven kinds of trouble. Puppy most likely to panic and flee the set? Issac, the nervous miniature pinscher, who looks as if he's made as many tackles in his career as Dan Marino.

Plus, there's this:

Keeping with the tradition of other major sporting events, Pepper the Parrot (of Pet Star fame) will kick off this year's ultimate puppy showdown with a unique rendition of the National Anthem.

Pepper the Parrot > Jennifer Hudson.

Covering the game again this year will be Ground Rule Triple, which is responsible for my favorite Puppy Bowl writing sequence of all time. From their account of Puppy Bowl IV:

While Abigail had a lot going for her, she did not remain within herself and did not allow the game to come to her. Her sprints were random and frenetic ... she was out of position more than once ... and all of that splashing at the water dish was completely unnecessary, not to mention psychotic.

Abigail gave all the appearances that she hadn't received much coaching, taking the element of "wreckless abandon" a little too far.

Not unlike a puppy version of Bill Romanowski.

Oh, and this year, the Bissell Kitty Halftime Show will be replaced by this.

Puppy Bowl V [Animal Planet]
Get Ready For Puppy Bowl V [San Francisco Chronicle]