A violent menace is sweeping our nation's sports stadiums—rogue gangs of t-shirt wielding thugs firing 100% cotton bullets at innocent bystanders.
An Indiana man is suing the White Sox, US Cellular Field and the "Chevrolet Pride Crew"—one of their secret operatives pictured here—because he claims he suffered a permanent back injury when these souvenir terrorists attacked his baseball-watching way of life....
The defendants are liable for more than $75,000 in damages because they were "engaging in an abnormally dangerous activity, namely, shooting free T-shirts as projectiles into an unsupervised crowd of spectators, some of whom may not have been sober."
May not have been sober? That doesn't seem possible at a baseball game. The plaintiff says he was shoved to the ground by terrified fans who were presumably running for their lives as hell rained down upon them in t-shirt form. A gruesome scene indeed.