Shutting Down The Internet, At Least For Occasional Five-Minute Intervals

Bill Simmons. As you might have heard, The Sports Fella — who is the same age as LeBron's mom — has finally caved and signed up for Twitter. (It probably has something to do with that book he's gonna be promoting in a few months, which, rumor has it, is more than 500 pages.) Predictably, Simmons went dog-nutty from the get-go, powering forth an impressive (and oppressive) 75 Tweets in four days. (That's a pace I hit only when Rick Ankiel has slammed his head into the center field wall at a crazy rate of speed. For example.) As a frame of reference, the hyperactive storm that is Ron Zook is only at 69 after a matter of months. Will Simmons get bored with Twitter, Oprah-style, and gravitate away in the next few weeks? I hope not: There's something sublime about Simmons telling the world about watching Shoot To Kill in real time.