Shutting Down The Internet, At Least For Occasional Five-Minute Intervals

Mine That Bird. Ten years ago, I made my one bet on a horse race: Sitting an OTB in Alton, Illinois, I put five dollars on 30-1 underdog Charismatic to win the Kentucky Derby. Somehow, he did, and I never bet on a race again. I think this makes me the world's greatest gambler. Anyway, right before Sunday's Kentucky Derby, everyone at the party I was at — oddly, the only sporting events I go to that are social events are the Super Bowl and the Kentucky Derby — starting flitting around, asking everybody who their picks were for the race. No one had any idea, of course, partly because no one had any idea and mostly because, geez, it's a bunch of freaking horses. I, totally guessing, just blurted out "Mine That Bird," owing mostly to the fact that those are three words that make absolutely no sense place together. Lo and behold, it won, and I looked like ... well, I looked like an idiot who just threw a name into the air because everyone was asking and expected me to know something because I (kind of) work in sports. Which I quite definitively do not. I don't have a major point here except to say that I hope that Cajun guy stops winning races because he's hard enough to understand when both he and the interviewer aren't sitting atop massive mammals.