This guy, that's who! Also, Michael Phelps....who is totally amped to put the stripper orgies, poker parties, and mind-bending drug trips behind him and hop back in the chlorine water. Arrrghgh!
Phelps is in North Carolina today for the Charlotte Ultraswim, his first competitive event since he took all the gold medals from those dirty Chinee men. He will compete in five events, three of which he did not enter in Beijing. He'll even try a revolutionary new straight-arm stroke in the 100 freestyle, which is super fucking exciting, right?
Ok ... let's be honest. No one gives shit about swimming—not even Michael Phelps. Has anyone ever covered the Charlotte Ultraswim before today? Of course not. But Americans do like two things—winning gold medals and smoking the chronic. And business is good, thanks to Mr. Michael M.F.in' Phelps. That South Carolina bong was the best thing that ever happened to this sport. No one was actually upset or offended by it, but we'll pretend that we are because there's one other thing that we like ... redemption stories. And he couldn't come back, if he hadn't first have his tragic fall.
So put on your goggles and turn up the Ghostface, because things are about to get nuts. I wish I was in a pool right now!
Refreshed Phelps Set to Compete [Washington Post]
Swimmer Mary DeScenza Mounts Comeback After Missing Cut for Beijing [NY Times]
Re-inventing the best swimmer in the world [Swim Network]