All Hail The Pathos Of The NBA Draft Lottery

Dwight Howard. Congratulations to the Magic center for securing himself a solid spot in the alpha dog upper echelon of NBA superstars: His obligatory cash advances from fake-nutritious colored water products are already on the way, I'm sure. Howard's one of those guys who is difficult to figure out. On one hand, he makes a big show of being a devout Christian — going so far as claiming he only listens to gospel music, which I highly, highly doubt — and on the other, he had a baby with a team dancer (seriously, a team dancer) and leaves tickets for porn stars. I have no specific problem with this, of course — who would?! — but when the spotlight focuses on him a little more, you wonder if roaches might sneak around when someone flips the switch. But man, I hope not. Considering the Magic are likely to be down 3-0 by the time the next one of these columns run, I won't stick around long enough to find out, I promise.