David Ortiz Suffering From Mr. Magoo SyndromeS

There are already a million theories as to why David Ortiz has suddenly and cruelly turned into Junior Ortiz, but now David has one of his own to throw into the mix. He needs thicker glasses.

Ortiz told reporters that he plans to have his vision checked—not because there's anything actually wrong with his vision, or because he's having headaches or dizzy spells. For all he knows, he's in perfect eye health. But he's so desperate for an answer to his flailing bat that he has to try something.

You know what? I've been thinking about getting my eyes checked, for real," said Ortiz, who occasionally wears glasses. "There have been some situations that something has happened to my eyes, my vision. But I'm planning on getting my eyes checked out sometime soon . . . just to make sure.

"We get our eyes checked every year. I'm 20-20. Go and check it out. It's not anything big. I will, though. I seriously will."

If that doesn't work, he'll try acupuncture, then crystal therapy, and if all fails ... trepanning.

Ortiz still looking for an answer [Boston Globe]