Ma'am, Your Foot Appears To Be DyingS

A good portion of Americans join softball leagues this time of the year. Many do it for the social aspect alone, which leaves many teams stockpiled with players who are ridiculously awfu

Each week, we'll rundown some of the more comically bad softball atrocities by some of these players. If you've got your own, please send it along to tips@deadspin.com. Of course, these are [Sic'd] for your viewing pleasure.

Miraculously, It Survived

Playoffs for my co-rec team in the Fall of '06. I am a spotty hitter at best and probably had not gotten a hit all night. I hit a great ball to dead center that almost rolled to the fence. I am probably the slowest girl alive and tried to leg out a triple. Having never learned how to slide, I slid with my right leg straight into the non-breakaway bag causing a spiral fracture high on my ankle. I don't know why I even slid, the third baseman hadn't caught anything all night. I was safe and obviously couldn't run, but wanted to stay cause I thought it was just a sprain. We were playing against the local hospital's team, they braced my ankle and told me to go to the emergency room, which was probably a good idea because my teammates said they heard a loud pop. We lost and I was in a cast for four months.

Another Bullshit Night In Staple City

I've played centerfield most of my life because I'm fast (like the wind). Sometimes when you're that fast you can only half hear teammates scream fence!! while running backwards full speed, head tilted back, cross bar of chain link fence meet head at full speed. Ball was about 10 ft. over a 12ft. fence. I'm told (by my mom who was way in the stands) that my head made a good tone on the fence. Reached up touched blood, felt flesh, ran in to shortstop who was an EMT and asked how it looked. He replied, "it does not look good." Mommy take me to the ER. Staple city.
Ed
injury on Long Island

Ma'am, Your Foot Appears To Be Dying

Save The Girl, Ruin The Leg

I was on 1st base after a single. The batter grounded to short, so I slid at 2nd as to not kill the girl playing second. However, I was wearing shorts, because, shit, I'm playing beer league softball. The ensuing scab took about 14 days to heal, and at around the first week the plasma dripping down from it was epic.

(first picture is immediately after...)

Ma'am, Your Foot Appears To Be DyingS

(Then the second week in...)

Ma'am, Your Foot Appears To Be DyingS

Rule One Of Company Softball: Do Not Maim The CEO's 12-Year-Old Son

Alright, I held back from writing in this story because it's old and there's no pictures, but what the hell.

I played baseball up through college, taking a couple years off to recover from leg injuries. However I never lost my over-competetive spirit.

When I was young, I had a job with a small company back home; part-time on the weekends, full-time every summer. Usually, right after I got back to full-time there was the annual company "outing" at a summer camp in the area with a cookout, pool and a company slow-pitch softball game. The very first season I worked for the company, I showed up for the outing ready to play some softball. I hadn't played any organized sports in a little over two years, and I couldn't wait to get back. Keep in mind - this is a family event...

Early in the game, I was in right field because nobody really knew me and they needed somebody to play out there. The teams were picked by President of the company vs. CEO, and I was on the President's team. I'm out in right field with a couple runners on base and a guy flips a fly ball deep to right. I camp out under it and get ready to throw home to catch the kid tagging up at third. Yes, the "kid" - also known as the CEO's 12-year old son. The CEO was playing catcher and not really paying attention to my throw coming towards home plate; he was too busy goofing with his son like he was going to tackle him so he couldn't score. Unfortunately, my throw went up the third baseline about three feet... and hit the kid square in the shoulder, bounced off and clipped him in the head. He started crying, and I felt sick. I had only been with the company for like a month, and I thought I'd get fired for it. The kid came off the field after touching home plate, and he was fine on the bench. Until three innings later.

I was batting - I'm a lefty - and the same kid was playing second base. He was more interested in staring at the bugs crawling around on the ground... so he wasn't really paying attention when I smoked a one-hopper directly at him, and off of his knee. Broke his kneecap. This time, I was certain I was getting fired by the CEO on the spot. He came out to check on his kid and stare daggers at me, then they left for the hospital.

The next Monday morning, there was a note on my desk from the President of the company - "You're on my team from now on". That's all it said. I stayed with the company for five years, coming back every summer up through my junior year of college and playing in the company game and a couple of local rec-league tournaments. The CEO rarely spoke to me from that day on, and with good reason. I never saw his kid at the company outing again. But at least I always had a spot on the "roster" if I wanted it.

No, He Did Not Get Attacked By A Shark

Hey guys,

I have a pic to submit of my own softball fail injury. This gash required 25 stitches (though many of them are hidden under the skin now).

First inning of the game, I'm on first base and my girlfriend is up to bat with two outs. She hits a weak grounder to the SS, and I feel like Mr. Big Shot and try to take out the second base girl with a stylish slide.

Not only was I out by a country mile, but when I got up, I looked down to notice a monster gash on my lower left leg and blood all over my shoe! The cut was about 1.5 inches wide and a good 7 inches long.

So instead of a good hustle play getting me pats on the back, I get a ride to the hospital and juicy scar. All this for the lowest level co-ed rec league in the city :(

Ma'am, Your Foot Appears To Be DyingS