If you have the misfortune of being at work today, you're most likely dreaming of not working. Of laying in a hammock, sipping a frosty mug of Lowenbrau, and adjusting various body parts. Let's watch the professionals.
The Penguins Evgeni Malkin does not need a hammock, however. He prefers the classic beach chair. This one comes equipped with retractable back and a woman in a blue bikini to offer extra protection from UV rays.
Soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo also chose the retractable beach chair. He uses the classic "lurking fiddler crab" technique to keep his chest from being exposed. His chair also comes equipped with a woman in a bikini.
Former Pacers star Reggie Miller is a more active vacationer, but it's still safety first, as he keeps a bikini woman nearby at all times in case the sun shifts somewhere near his crotch.
Lebron James prefers yellow high-backed chairs and is very particular about the make and model. He doesn't like the constraints of full-bikni'd women, so he opts for the half-bikini'd. He passed along this wisdom to his son.
Tom Brady does it best: Full-recline, behatted bikini woman nearby for extra protection and not a care in the world about anything that has to do with strangers yelling at him. We should all be so at peace. That's it for the day. Be kind to Spud, I'll see you Sunday. This is Deadspin Up All Afternoon And Night. Let's all go outside. Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Embrace the wasteland.