Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

-Tony Bernazard, fresh off of offering to fight the entire Binghamton Mets, nearly throws down with Francisco Rodriguez on the team bus. The "Queens Zoo" doesn't have quite the same ring to it, but it'll do for now.

-In a must-read, Bill James finally gives his take on baseball's steroid problem. CliffsNotes version: the juicers will eventually get into the HOF, but those who chose to stay clean and whose stats suffer for it will be the ones shut out.

-Even NFL.com is getting a little pissed off waiting for Brett Favre to make up his mind. While their columnists technically have editorial independence, I'm going to go ahead and assume that's the company line as well.

-Jrue Holiday explains where his name came from. If you guessed typo, you're not that far off.

-Beckham says he won't apologize, lays all the blame on the fans for Sunday's confrontation. So let's tally it up. He's alienating fans, making ungodly amounts of money, and not helping the team win? Jeez, even Alex Rodriguez hits a home run every now and then.

-Minor leaguer who nailed a fan with a ball claims he was aiming for the dugout. Even if he's found not guilty, I think those control problems preclude a call-up.

-Detroit City Councilwoman accidentally includes Lions logo on reelection flier, when she meant the volunteer organization Lions Club International. When she loses, we'll never know if it was her stupidity or the stank of 0-16 that did her in.

Send an email to Barry Petchesky, the author of this post, at barryp@deadspin.com.