Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• Though they dropped the ball with that Vikings Favre jersey, the online store at NFL.com is apparently trying their hand at predicting Michael Vick's football future. Jason Campbell, you're officially on the hot seat.
• There's a batting helmet that's guaranteed to prevent skull fractures, but major leaguers won't wear it because it looks goofy. This in a sport where guys tuck their pants into their socks.
• Suck it up, Victorino. A Copa Sudamericana soccer match was interrupted when a fan with a knife attacked a player on the field. And then came the flares...
• Jerry Remy put in a cameo appearance in the NESN booth and admitted he hasn't been watching the Red Sox games this year. At least since the All-Star break, that makes him the luckiest man on the face of the earth.
•More proof the NFL hates you. Opening night will be kicked off with a free concert from Tim McGraw and the Black Eyed Peas.
• The old man's still got it. "It" being fifth starter stuff on a National League team. Pedro's line: 5 innings, 7 hits, 3 runs.