Brett Myers Just Can't Stop Being An A-HoleS

The Phillies cantankerous pitcher Brett Myers is attempting to bounce back this season to inject life into the team's depleted bullpen, but first he has to let his eye socket heal after it landed on a fist.

Myers was scheduled to do a rehab stint in Clearwater, but sat out because his eye was still swollen, an injury he first said was the result of playing catch with his son. Lie! No, the truth was he got the shiner from stumbling out of his wife's Escalade (lie!) after having a couple beers (lie!).

But the real truth, according to the Bucks County Courier Times, is that Myers cruised down to Jacksonville to see his family then went out that night to Shannon's Irish Pub to watch guitar-slingin' crooner Chuck Nash mumble through vanilla alt-rock because that's what people do in Jacksonville on Friday nights.

So Myers and his wife are there (still together post-punching) and Myers is, most likely, maxin chillaxin at the Pub while Nash plays a killer version of "Gravity" and then a fight broke out and he was accidentally bopped in the eye. Completely not his fault because Brett Myers is a peaceful guy who walks away from situations like this because he's a professional and would hate to jeopardize his career with such foolishness. (Lie!)