Mets Third Base Coach Does Not Like My Pants And Will Not Eat My Poop Sandwich (UPDATE)

One man who's managed to keep his sunny disposition during the Mets season from hell is smooth-talking third base coach Razor Shines. Now you can ask him yes/no questions in this virtual ad and he'll answer them. All of them.

So because I'm a sucker for these sorts of interactive hocus-pocus ads (this one is for Aquafina where Razor is supposed to be your "3rd Base Coach Of Life), I spent a good 45 minutes today typing random questions into this little box to make Razor Shines talk to me. Unlike that BK subservient chicken site from a couple years ago, Razor won't wag a finger if you ask him an inappropriate question. Nope, Razor will take the time to give you a carefully crafted response to everything from "Do you like my pants?" to "Will you finger my hiney?" as demonstrated in the video above. August!

UPDATE: Apparently, you can take it too far. Reader Jeff H. informs us that he was "ejected" by an umpire after asking Razor if his "wife tosses his salad." I typed in "Can I fuck your face?" and was told by Shines to "wash my mouth out with Aquafina." Then I asked "Is your wife a salad-tossing whore?" immediately after and I was ejected as well and sent to the showers. This is new media journalism at its finest.

Mets third base coach Razor Shines is answering your questions today [Sports Hernia]

Send an email to A.J. Daulerio, the author of this post, at ajd@deadspin.com.

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