Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•Ben Roethlisberger was pulled out of practice after his lineman rolled up on the back of his leg. If it turns out to be a serious injury, I fully expect to see the Boston papers claiming this season shouldn't really count. Right, guys?

•Another day, another world record for Usain Bolt, this time in the 200m. Honestly, if we doubt all outlandish baseball numbers, and that's in a sport where strength is only a small part of the skill set needed to succeed, why do we get excited over track records?

•Documents on FSU's cheating scandal will be made public after a judge's ruling that will "rip the heart out of the NCAA." The NAIA is waiting to swoop in and eat their heart, thereby gaining all their power.

•A Vick goes back to jail for a probation violation, but it's Marcus Vick, so you won't see teams eagerly awaiting his release. Which is a shame, because it's only a 20-day sentence, so he'll be sprung in time for opening night.

•Because no UFC heavyweight champ has every defended their title more than twice (seriously), you might want to tune in for Brock Lesnar's first defense against Shane Carwin.

•If you subscribe to the Jessica Simpson theory of a certain type of woman ruining a player's productivity, you might want to stay away from Reggie Bush this year. Apparently he's back with Kim Kardashian.

•After Gary Sheffield was denied a contract extention, he demanded his release and was benched last night. The Mets said they won't cut him, but if they really want to punish him, they ought to give him that extention.

•And here's why mascots should be banned:

Send an email to Barry Petchesky, the author of this post, at barryp@deadspin.com.