Please Help Us With The 2009 FAILgate Project

Football season is upon us, which means that thousands of angry, horny, feisty pretend fans will converge upon this great nation's red cup-littered parking lots to participate in traditional tailgating revelry. We do not want those stories.

Not at all.

• I do not want to hear about the tricked out party bus you fashioned out of an ice cream truck and painted blue and red for your beloved Buffalo Bills.

• I do not want to hear about how your uncle's truck has a thirty-foot smoker attached to the hitch to he drags to each Texas Tech game to smoke a live pig.

• I don't want to hear about corn-holing — unless there's a unique angle to it and/or someone gets hospitalized.

So, to sum up, no obvious stuff you'll see every dopey local low-level sports anchor in America run out to the parking lot to shoot before every college/pro game.

Your stories should include fighting, vomiting, arrests, blood, heads dunked in chili pots, naked people and other bodily functions that may or may not be covered in the above restrictions. You know — stuff that's only fun to share with your friends or on YouTube under an anonymous name.

Photos/video evidence are not required but encouraged. We plan to run these every Friday afternoon. If you'd like credit, I'll be happy to add it.

Email me with any questions, concerns, or stories.

SUBJECT: FAILgate.

At the end of the season, the winning — or, rather, most popular — submission will be rewarded a Deadspin prize pack. God knows what's in that.

*****

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Carry on, wayward sons.