A runner may be disqualified from winning his age group at a marathon this weekend, because he got illegal assistance from a spectator. And by "assistance," I mean a urinary catheter that he used to drain the main vein mid-race.
I guess I should mention that the man is 81 years old and suffering from a blood clot that was preventing him from peeing. While running the Twin Cities Marathon this weekend, he stopped at a first aid station and asked for some assistance, but officials told him he would have to drop out and go to a hospital to get that kind of help. That was when a man in the crowd stepped up to say that he had a catheter that the runner could borrow. He retrieved it from the car, a first aid worker helped him ... uh ... insert it, he drained his bladder and was good to go.
This raises many troubling questions. One, who carries a spare catheter in their car? Two, who uses a catheter that he borrowed from a complete stranger on the street? Three, how much of a lazy ass do you feel like knowing that an 81-year-old man stopped for an invasive urinary tract procedure in the middle of a marathon and still finished in under four hours. And they want to take his prize money away? They should put this guy in the running hall of fame. (I'm assuming there is one.)
And yes, if all of that wasn't enough—the man's name is Jerry Johncock. Wait, let me get that for you......
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Well, that's another Wednesday. Barry P. will see you on the flip side. Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. I hated you when you went away.