Reporter Is Unamused By Our Tale Of Minor-League Cock HijinksS

Recently, Giants farmhand Garrett Broshuis shared the story of his teammate's dong-waggling mating ritual, which Garrett likened to the furious, metronomic beating of a toy drum. And now, the reporter for whom the drum was furiously, metronomically beaten is outraged.

Vickie Fulkerson writes for The Day in New London, Conn. She occasionally covers the Connecticut Defenders, the Giants' Double-A affiliate for whom Broshuis — Fulkerson's "favorite Defender" — used to pitch. Here's what Broshuis wrote for us earlier this month:

Most farms keep at least one jackass around, and this baseball farm was no different. They liven things up with random antics. Our jackass had a "mating call." He would flop his penis back and forth in a fashion similar to a Mexican toy drum. It even produced a similar sound. (Buyer beware of this toy.)

So, the poor woman was interviewing me, trying very hard not to look at the wrong thing. And it was at this moment that our jackass, standing about 5 feet away from her, commenced his mating call. He was flopping the thing around as fast as a hummingbird beats its wings. It was a virtuoso solo on the toy drum. I couldn't believe it.

Fulkerson's response:

And so now, after 19 years as a sportswriter at The Day, two of them as the beat writer for the Norwich Navigators - the Double-A team that preceded the Defenders at Dodd Stadium - I find myself in the uncomfortable position of writing a story pertaining to penises.

Fantastic. Just fantastic.

[...]

Broshuis didn't mention me by name in his blog. He mentioned a couple of newspapers the reporter in question could have been from. I interviewed Broshuis in the situation he described in his account, though. I looked it up. And no, I didn't notice the other player's pornographic antics.

She calls the anonymous toy drummer "an immature nitwit." Fair enough. Garrett's story said as much. (Broshuis, for his part, tells us he's apologized to Vickie, though he's not positive she was the poor reporter in question. Fantastic. Just fantastic.)

But then Vickie trains her sights on Garrett himself — not to mention you smut-minded commenters:

But Broshuis, supposedly the grown-up here, obviously thought it hilarious enough to blog about it. His latest Twitter entry also brags that he's eclipsed 300 followers in that forum because of the "Toy Drum" article.

That's in addition to the fact that the comment section under his blog is filled with every off-color joke possible regarding the situation. Someone referred to me as "clueless."

I'm holding Broshuis accountable because he's the one who should know better.

Funny that Matt Luke, Andy Fox, Ramiro Mendoza, Mike Buddie, Mike Figga, Ricky Ledee and the rest of the Navigators from 1995 and 1996 somehow found a way to put up with me in the locker room every single day - spring training and a 142-game regular season - and act like civil human beings. The guys I mentioned all made the big leagues.

Memo to Garrett Broshuis: Not funny. Not appreciated. I still hope someday you make the big leagues, too, but right now? This is about as bush league as it gets.

Memo to Vickie Fulkerson: Major leaguers aren't exactly mature about this sort of thing, either.

It doesn't get any more bush league than this
[The Day]
EARLIER: A Solo On The Toy Drum