Be Thankful For Customized Jerseys

Let me begin by saying I have a new respect for those who send us blurry photos of crazy jerseys found at various sporting venues. It's hard to take a picture of a complete stranger without looking like a creep.

I was at the Lions-Browns game last Sunday and it was a treasure trove of customizable weirdness. Unfortunately, all I had was my lousy cellphone camera and no interest in asking people to stand still for me so I could take a picture of their back. There's no explanation—especially the truth—that wouldn't make you look like a deranged loser in that situation, so my contributions are not all they could be. No regrets.

On a related note, I've noticed a trend whereby someone spends a lot of money on a jersey of their favorite player, only to later find out that this player is horrible. So in a sad attempt at vengeance/recycling, they use duct tape or markers to customize it again. It's often a form of protest against the fact that they contributed $100 to the career of someone terrible. Also, there were a surprising number of Brady Quinn jerseys on the numerous Brown fans who drove up from Toledo to Ford Field. So I put two and two together and got a lot of No. 10 jerseys with "QUEER" taped over the nameplate in our near future. It's the circle of clothing.

Anyway, on to Part V. Previous editions below.

Part I Part II Part III Part IV

Part Buckeye, Part Brown ... All Sweatpants.

Here's my photo skills at work. That's a Dre Bly jersey with the name crossed out and "Who?" written next to it in black tape. Why not Bert Blyleven?

Again, you can't make it out, but the nameplate reads "Quarterbacks of the Century" and contains four numbers. The best part is that Boomer Esiason can just assume No. 7 is him.

No idea.

Now you've taken a perfectly good Vikings jersey and ruined it twice. [Submitted by Kent O.]

These are allegedly British Patriot fans in London—sort of like Jewish Saints fans in Tel Aviv?—but they sure have a knack for this. (And by "this" I mean looking like yobs.) [Submitted by Jessica H.]

Does this guy need smaller shoulders or more back fat? I bet cheesesteaks would help. [Submitted by Jeffrey R.]

The jersey so nice she spilled beer on it twice. [Submitted by Joe E.]

Believe it or not, this photo isn't doctored. The kid wears that black thing on his face everytime his parents make him put on that stupid jersey. A last name like Stinkbutt is not an easy thing to live with. [Submitted by Dan]

But where are The Balls? [Submitted by Mitchell C.]

How many times have we told you.... do not be That Guy. [Submitted by Jon L.]

What did I just say? [Submitted by Julia A.]

Ok, now you're just being difficult. [Submitted by Jonathan S.]

I don't care what anyone says, the Superbad references will remain relevant for decades. [Submitted by Chad H. - @ Kauffman Stadium]

I think we would have figured it out without the shirt. [Submitted by JBrad]

What do you think he said to the bachelorette party as he passed? Oh to be a fly on that inflatable penis. [Submitted by Ben D.]

No one likes a show off. [Submitted by Neil M.]

I heard Babe Ruth actually tried to put that on his jersey once, but the letters were made out of bacon so he ate them in the on-deck circle. [Submitted by John S.]

If you say so ... [Submitted by Mahalvy]

Yeah, Phil Rivers does seem like an Ike and Tina fan. Or an Ike fan, anyway. [Submitted by Mahalvy]

You know what most jerseys need? More reading! [Submitted by Luke B.]

And scene.... [Submitted by Ryan I.]