A Turdfest On Paper Gives Us A Few Gems

Ten early games, and only one features two teams with winning records. Rex Grossman, Matt Moore, Brodie Croyle, Daunte Culpepper and Chris Redman all took snaps today. But what's this about upsets?

•Saints 33, Redskins 30. Ho. Lee. Shit. This was the definition of a trap game for New Orleans. Tied at the half, Washington took a 10 point lead into the fourth. The Saints closed it to seven, then Shaun Suisham shanked a 23-yarder. Drew Brees hit Robert Meachem for a 53-yard bomb, and Jason Campbell turned back into Jason Campbell, getting picked by Jonathan Vilma in the middle of a potential career-defining drive. John Carney watched from the sidelines as his replacement Garrett Hartley came up short on a 58-yarder as time expired. This one's in overtime.

A very controversial booth review rules a Redskins fumble, and the Saints promptly boot the gamewinner. NO stays undefeated, but there's a category 5 shitstorm incoming.

•Dolphins 22, Patriots 21. The AFC East looks like a complete crapshoot after the Patriots lose their second in a row for the first time since 2006. Would you believe the goat is Tom Brady, after getting intercepted in the end zone, and again on a last-minute drive? Chad Henne's ballsack grew three sizes this day, throwing for 335 yards and completing countless crucial third downs.

•Raiders 27, Steelers 24. And just like that, Pittsburgh is a .500 team. A defensive battle broke wide open in the fourth quarter, with five straight drives going for touchdowns. Most importantly, Bruce Gradkowski took Oakland 88 yards in 1:47, finding Louis Murphy in the end zone with 9 seconds left.

•Colts 27, Titans 17. One of these winning streaks had to come to an end, and it wasn't Peyton Manning's. Tennessee won the yards and time of possession battles, but never seemed to get going. Chris Johnson had 113 yards, his seventh straight week over 100.

•Eagles 34, Falcons 7. Thanks, local FOX affiliate, for sticking with this one all the way through. Would you believe this was the aforementioned meeting of two winning teams? Michael Vick threw a touchdown and ran for another, and the Falcons scored as time expired to avoid their first ever home shutout.

•Jaguars 23, Texans 18. This one wasn't nearly as close as the score. Maurice Jones-Drew was held in check, but David Garrard ran the offense well, finding 9 different receivers. A Matt Schaub injury led to a brief Rex Grossman appearance, and by the time Schaub returned, this game was out of hand.

•Bengals 23, Lions 13. I guess Cedric Benson is healthy. He had 110 yards in his return, and Chad Ochocinco had 137 in the air. The Lions, always thinking about the future, saw Matthew Stafford re-injure his shoulder in the fourth quarter, after this one was already out of hand.

•Broncos 44, Chiefs 13. Matt Cassel, the $63 million man, took his rightful place on the bench in this one. It didn't help. Denver rushed for 245 yards, more than KC had all day.

•Bears 17, Rams 9. When you're relying on Kyle Boller to lead your gamewinning drive, you have some issues. Jay Cutler didn't do much, but he avoided throwing any picks, and the Bears D kept St. Louis out of the end zone in what was mercifully the fastest game of the day.

•Panthers 16, Buccaneers 6. Just brutal. Josh Freeman threw five interceptions, which must have been weird for Carolina to see from the other side. Jonathan Stewart scored a touchdown on the first drive of the game, and then no one found the end zone again.